I Never Thought It Would Be This Way!!

Have any of you ever come to the conclusion that your own family doesn't even KNOW who you are??  I don't mean as if you didn't grow up with them or haven't seen them in 20 years..... I mean in a way that they have a completely different perception of who you really are.  Or maybe they have tried to give others an incorrect picture of who you are.

Like many of you I've spent the majority of my life trying to please others.... parents, friends, relatives, co-workers, neighbors, etc....  My entire life it has crushed me if I thought someone didn't like me for whatever reason.  I could never understand why someone wouldn't like me because I've always tried so hard to treat people with the kindness that I wanted to be treated with.   I've always tried to go above and beyond for someone in need if I could possibly help them.  I try to always have a smile on my face and a kind word for everyone I encounter whether just for a few minutes or a lifetime.  I feel pretty darned confident that I'm liked by most everyone I know and I think most all of them would have not one bad word to say about me.  Every once in a blue moon I encounter someone that seems to not like me and it's usually some type of jealously over some incorrect perception they have of me that's not real.

The hardest thing in my life is the fact that I have no relationship with my own Mother and I know for an absolute fact that she has tried to give others (friends and relatives) a very untrue picture of who and what I am.  It hurts me so badly to feel that my own Aunts, whom I have loved dearly my entire life, probably believe or at least half-way believe the lies they have been told about me.  Hey, why wouldn't they believe their own sister?  Yes, she was lying through her teeth to make another of her dysfunctional children look better, but still.... maybe sisters who are in their 70's and 80's still feel that they can believe 100% of what they tell each other.  Of course, that is the way it should be, but in my family it's not!  One of my Aunts that I've always been exceptionally close to and talked to about nearly everything was swayed by the lies she was told.  That betrayal has hurt as much as my Mother's betrayal.  How on earth she could have doubted me just blows me away.  Is our world and society so screwed up that you can't even trust the person you've turned to for 40 plus years of your life.... the person that you feel you've always bared your soul to? 

 Let me say at this point that my Daddy was right there with them back in 2010.... he wasn't completely fooled but, he let himself be swept into the mess and turned against me.  This past Fall I called him and he has since then apologized profusely to me and has assured me that he knows without a doubt that I was telling the absolute truth.  I saw  Daddy for the first time in over two years  about 3 weeks ago and when he put his hat on my head and wrapped his arms around me it was an unbelievable feeling.  Daddy knows me and he knows I've made numerous mistakes in life, but he also knows I've never been a liar.  All Daddy wants is for our family to be together again.  I'm terrified my parents will die before we can ever truly be that way again.  In my heart I know it will never be right again and I have to accept that fact of life.

Yesterday I was watching The Waltons.... yes I love the Waltons.  I watched an episode that I clearly remember watching with my Mother (when she was still my Mama) back in the 70's and I began to cry.  I picked up the phone and called my Mother.  It was the first time she and I had spoken since January 24, 2010.  I WISH I HAD NEVER MADE THAT CALL.  She was very cordial but it was obvious she's no longer my Mama.  She talked to me and she answered all my questions and told me what they are doing to the house this summer, but it wasn't my Mama talking to me.  There was no excitement to hear my voice and there was definitely no apology for the lies she knows she told and the lies she was caught by  Daddy telling.  I wasn't expecting an apology and didn't really need one, but, I thought I would at least hear a little glimmer of happiness or excitement in her  voice.

I hung up the phone and sobbed my heart out and realized  I will probably never have my Mama back in my life.  I'm sure if she has me in her life it will cause problems with her and her youngest child.  Maybe she's even convinced herself of the lies she told about me.  I don't know.... I will never understand this!  I've felt sad since I made that call yesterday and I'll never make that mistake again!  I've had to "talk to myself" today and remind myself that I've always tried to be a good person.  I've worked hard my entire life and earned every possession I have.  I've born a child, adopted a precious child, and fostered two children and I love them all.  I could never do to one of my children what my Mother has done to me.  I've always known that my Grandmother, Enola Crouch, was my true Mama and I would give anything to have one more hour with her.  She left this world when I was 18 and I've felt that loss each and every day of my life.

If you are a parent..... please NEVER TURN YOUR BACK on your children no matter what.  Whether you are trying to protect someone else, you just don't like that child as much or whatever... don't cut them out of your life.  That is not the way God means for us to live our lives and it's not healthy for anyone.  Children are a very special gift and you should treasure them no matter what!  I will never forget the good things my Mama did for me when she was still my Mama.  However, I will carry the ache of what she has done to me these past years till the day I die.  Anyone and anything can be forgiven, but as humans we never truly forget.

Always remember in life when you meet people... you never know what is truly going on in their lives.  Always treat people with kindness and even if they act like jerks consider the possibility that they may be carrying a huge weight on their shoulders and your kindness might make them have a better day.

I feel that writing and publishing this to my blog is therapy for my heart and soul and I appreciate each of my followers!

Nanette

My Heart Aches..... The Damage Caused by a Dysfunctional Family!

Oldest Son, Todd

Nanette, Jordan & Enola

Sisters Enola and Tracy

As the holidays approach I think about my parents more and more.  What makes a family so dysfunctional that they can turn their back on their own child and beautiful grandchildren?  What makes parents choose to stand by one child and turn their backs on another?  I can't imagine ever turning my back on either of my four children!  I've birthed a child, adopted a child and fostered two children and they are MY CHILDREN, no matter what they do in their lives!!  You can count on the fact that there is nothing my children could ever do that would make me turn my back on them!

I spent the first 50 years of my life trying to please EVERYONE especially my parents!  Yes, I've made mistakes and I've been married far too many times.  Yet, I've never done anything illegal.  I've never had a drug or alcohol problem.  I've never been a liar or a distrustful person!  I've bent over backwards my entire life to help others.  Not everyone that I've tried to help has appreciated it, but I still helped them out of the goodness of my heart.  There was a time or two that my kindess bit me on the butt, but still, I find myself trying to help others.

Where my parents are concerned I guess I am still that little girl from years ago and wonder every single day if they ever think about me.  Do they miss me?  Do they miss the granddaughter that used to be the light of their lives? Do they regret their actions toward me? Do they feel any remorse?  Do they feel anything toward me at all? Do they regret the lies they went around and told my Aunts about me in order to make their other daughter look good?  Do they love me?

I've been told by many that it is better for me not to have such negative and back stabbing people in my life!!  But making that little girl in my heart believe this is difficult!!  I went from having a Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, 5 Aunts, 21 first cousins, and numerous 2nd cousins to nothing except my brother, Clif!!  Thank God, my dear brother knows the truth and he still loves me and checks in with me from time to time.  Growing up with such a huge family was such a great thing.  I've always loved all my aunts, uncles, and cousins and looked forward to every single family reunion.  Now, I'm not invited to any of the get togethers because of my parents.  Every year there is a family get together between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I will not be invited.  There was a reunion this past summer and of course, I wasn't invited.  It hurts me so bad, but I have to live with it and carry on for my children.

Anyone who is reading this.... NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR CHILDREN OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS because you have no idea how much it hurts the one that is left out!!
Your family is family no matter what transpires in yours or their lives!  You can't imagine how hurtful it is to be the one that is left out!

I know this is a pathetic sounding blog post, but I needed to get this off my chest.  I hope all of you with family troubles will remember what I've said and always try to make things right with your children and other family members!
Nanette
The Crow's Nest

P.S.  If any of my cousins are reading this..... I do believe in God & I have never worshiped the Devil as my Mother and Sister went around telling everyone!!

Being Disabled!!

 Today I have a guest blogger.  Spritequeen and I met on a site for Tethered Cord Syndrome.  I'm so lucky that I've been able to walk without the help of crutches my entire life.  When I finally had the Tethered Cord surgery to cut my Spinal Cord loose from my tailbone the surgeon told me he couldn't believe I had functioned and worked my entire life.  My surgery was 5 hours and I was in a hospital bed for 4 days and night with morphine shots every 30 minutes.  I truly did not know if I would ever walk again!!

I am a walking miracle and so thankful for this fact.  My parents knew something was wrong with me by the age of two.  I was taken to a specialist and wore corrective shoes until the age of 13.  My left leg and foot did not fully develop and I've had constant pain since the age of 12.  I've never let it stop me.... yes I've had to slow down since surgery and the pain is excruciating but I keep on going!!  

You want to talk about dirty looks when I pull into a handicapped space..... wow do I get the looks.  I hate to walk with my cane and usually leave it in the SUV.  As a child I had other children ask me why my left leg was so skinny.... I was terrified to wear dresses for this reason!!  I overcame that by trying out for majorette in high school... never dreamed I would get it... but I did.  At first I was horrified to prance around in that sequin bathing suit looking uniform.  My band director, Carol Crosslin, gave me the encouragement to overcome my fears and taught me I had leadership abilities I didn't know I had.

I am a very lucky person and I never forget that fact!!

I hope you enjoy what my friend SpriteQueen has posted.  She was also born with a Tethered Spinal Cord.  I only know of one other person besides SpriteQueen and myself with this condition.

Thanks to all of you!

Nanette

The Crow's Nest

Disability Etiquette

spritequeen.wordpress.com

« Dancing In The Rain

Disability Etiquette

October 24, 2011 by causeitcanbedone

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If you were born “normal” (with no earth-shattering illnesses/afflictions), and you were raised in a “normal” family (again, without any visible physical or mental drama), seeing things that are NOT what you’re accustomed to can be a little scary.  For that reason, I’ve decided to put together a few little tips to help people interact with others who are “different”, so the experience can be a pleasant one for everyone involved.  I truly hope the following is helpful to people who are not accustomed to being around disabled individuals.
1.  Just because someone is “different”, it doesn’t mean they’re broken.  Apologizing about that difference is offensive to the recipient.  It drives home the fact that they are considered “less”.  Instead of commiserating with someone on their difference, look for something in common, or even better, something flattering.  Do you like their shirt or hairstyle?  Maybe a cool tattoo or piece of jewelry?  Take the focus away from the differences that you see.  Not everyone has to be an Olympic athlete, and most people who have disabilities are fine with that.  Yes, there ARE hard days, but they’re going to commiserate with friends or family members – not total strangers.  Just like a “normal” person would.
2. Make sure the compliment fits.  Do people compliment you on how you walk so NORMAL or how normal your hearing or sight is?  No.  The same applies to someone with a physical disability.  For all you know, that person on crutches has been on them since they learned to stand.  It’s no different for them than it is for a ‘normal’ person to walk without them.  Don’t make it an issue.  Now, if you KNOW that the person has been injured, and you’ve followed their recovery, and you know they’ve worked hard to overcome a challenge, by ALL MEANS compliment them for their efforts.  They’ve earned the praise!

3.  Don’t throw out guesses as to why they have whatever ailment.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I had Polio!  Ummm…1. I’ve had that shot! 2. I’m not that old, thank you very much! LOL  For MOST people a polite “Would you mind if I asked what happened?” goes a LOT farther than “What the heck happened to YOU? Get hit by a train, or something?!”  Personally, I think it’s weird to ask a total stranger in the first place, but if you REALLY HAVE TO KNOW, be polite.
4.  Repeat after me:  ”Even people in wheelchairs can be jerks”.  It’s true! Not everyone with a disability is an angel!  Ask my ex.  He’s got all KINDS of stories about what a witch I can be!  Automatically assuming that someone with a physical or mental problem is a perfect angel is lunacy on YOUR part.  With that being said, though, there’s no need to FEAR people with these differences, either.  Just because they may look a little different doesn’t mean they’re bad.  Bottom line, use the same caution you would use in approaching ANY new relationship/friendship.
5.  Don’t stare – and don’t let your kids stare! It’s just flat-out RUDE!  There’s NOTHING to gain from openly gawking at someone who is different.  Again, if there are questions you have that you literally can’t live without the answers to, then go ask.  But staring like that makes someone feel like they’re at police headquarters in the dark room with the spotlight shining on them – and they’ve done nothing wrong.  It’s TERRIBLY uncomfortable.  There’s NO need to make someone else feel like that.
6. Don’t make assumptions on ability levels.  It’s simply not your place to decide for someone what they are, or are not, capable of doing.  Remember the quote: ‘The person who says “it can’t be done” is liable to be interrupted by someone doing it.’  
7. Don’t assume ANYTHING.  Every disability can affect every person who has one in a different way.  Do NOT assume that someone with a mental impairment doesn’t have the capacity to understand.  They may not be able to SHOW it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t GET it.  Don’t assume that someone with a physical issue can’t do something just because YOU don’t feel like you could do it in the same scenario.
8.  People with disabilities have babies, too.  I’ll be the proof of that – I’ve had three!  Just because the factory looks a little different, doesn’t mean that the conveyor belt’s not working – if ya catch my drift!  And, if you really want to know, it happens in the same way OTHER babies get delivered to their mommy’s bellies!  If you DON’T know that…I’m afraid I can’t help you there! LOL.  Google, maybe?? LOL  If you really want to be WOW’ed by that, be inspired that their kids (hopefully!) grow up “normally” and don’t become serial killers or other such TRULY scary people!
9. If you really can’t have a NORMAL conversation or interaction with someone who is physically or mentally different, just keep your mouth shut.  It really IS ok – and, actually, preferred.  Trust me, if you get all antsy and awkward, YOU’RE going to be the one looking silly – not them.
10.  Golden Rule.  Need I say more?  Treat people how YOU would expect to be treated in their shoes.  You DON’T have to cater to their every whim.  That only creates spoiled/dependent brats – just like it would any other capable person.  But, you DO have to play nice, too.  It’s all about common courtesy for EVERYONE.
P.S.  If you’d like to read some of the crazy things people have said to me (and people think I’M weird?!) check this out!  It’s funny, I promise!  (Well, unless you’re the one that said it to me.  THEN, congratulations! You’ve made it onto my “weird people of the world” page!  It’s kind of right up there with the ‘people of Walmart’ for me!)

I've Got The Music In Me!!

(Writer/Recording Artist Tim Bloodworth and Nanette)


I'VE GOT THE MUSIC IN ME!!  Remember as a teenager and young person how important music was to your life?  Music was a HUGE part of my life.  I sang in the church choir from the time I was fourteen and I played flute in the band from the age of 10.  From my earliest memories music was a part of my life.  My first favorite song was I Wanna Hold Your Hand.  I don't know what year it came out, but, I couldn't have been very old.  I was born in 1961.  After that it was Hey, Hey, We're the Monkeys!!!!  Not too long after that I was begging Mama to buy Tiger Beat Magazines for me so I could read all about David Cassidy, The Jackson's and other various pop stars at the time.  Whatever my parents listened to I knew all the words.  Whether it was Charlie Rich, Anne Murray, Johnny Paycheck, or Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass I was listening and I knew all the words to all the songs.  I remember being 10 years old on the school bus and all the older kids would get me to sing Jeremiah Was A Bull Frog.  I was the little kid always singing my heart out.  I graduated high school in 1979 and it seemed that every song on the radio touched me personally.  I can remember singing Dancing Queen as I was getting ready for Prom.  Reunited was just perfect whenever my boyfriend and I would have a little break up.  And who could forget PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC WHITE BOY!!  Wow!!  I love 70's & 80's music and still remember most all the words to most all the songs.  Even my 23 year old daughter absolutely loves 80's music.  We love to Karaoke and sing music from the 80's.

Sometime during the late 80's or early 90's I forgot about music.  I don't know when or how it happened, but I know for a fact it happened.  One day I turned on the radio and I didn't know any of the words or any of the songs except oldies.  I didn't even have a desire to learn the words to the songs.  I was no longer involved in church so there was no choir to sing in.  I had no desire to purchase albums.... I was dead musically....

That's what work, kids, divorce, hard times and just plain life will do to you if you let it!!  As a teenager and during my twenties I really listened to music and I learned the words and I let them soothe me through life's ups and downs.  Why I stopped doing that I do not know for sure.  I do know if I had it to do over again I would NEVER let the music stop in my life!!

I've got the music in me again and it's never going away!!  I'm playing catch up on learning thousands of songs that I've missed during the past 20 years.  This time last year I tried Karaoke for the first time and for those that know me..... I LOVE IT!!  Don't believe it.... catch the Butch and Blondie Karaoke Show at Hide Away in Elkton, TN every Friday and Saturday night!!  Also, I have another involvement in music that I'm keeping to myself right now!!  Just don't be surprised if you see me sitting in the audience at the County Music Awards in a year or two or three!!  Thank you, you guys are great!!!

To My Daughter On Her 23rd Birthday......

I remember exactly what I was doing 23 years ago today.  On Sunday the 25th your Dad and I had driven Cyndi and Wendy back to Lacy's Springs late in the afternoon.  That evening Cyndi called all excited to tell us the moon was full.  See, your MaMa Byrd kept saying I would go into labor during the full moon.  Your Dad and I ran outside with our little long haired Dachshund, Link, and I pretended to howl at the moon.  We went to bed and I woke up at 3:00am on Monday Sept. 26, 1988 and knew I was in labor.  I jumped in the shower and shaved my legs and styled my hair before I got your Daddy up. Bet that is no surprise to you, Enola.   I can remember very clearly driving through Huntsville around 4:30am that morning and how there was hardly any traffic.  I remember being so excited and thinking of how our lives were about to change forever.  I could hardly wait to hold you in my arms even though I was terrified of child birth.  It was a long and hard labor, but you have been worth a million times more pain than I went through to have you.  I remember Daddy telling me to breathe and to focus on the door knob.  I'm sure you can guess what I wanted to tell Daddy to do with that door knob.  You and I both went into distress and I can remember fading away and thinking I was going to die without holding my beautiful baby!  You didn't make your grand arrival until 7:41pm and what a beauty your were!!  Enola you were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on.  You have made my life a complete joy and I know your Daddy and Lori both agree with me.  These 23 years have flown by for me sweetheart and I am so proud of the young woman you have become.  You are still the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.  Happy Birthday Baby NoNo!

Happiness is Contagious

Saturday was the 3rd anniversary of my spinal cord surgery.  I actually had Tethered Cord Syndrome (google it for info) and was told I would end up paralyzed from the waist down if I didn't have the surgery.  Of course, the surgery was dangerous and could have paralyzed me instantly.  I had an 18 to 24 month recovery period.  It's been a long and hard road since that day three years ago.

What I have learned from my experience is life is precious and we all tend to take things and people for granted.  Life is short and we had better get up off our butts and live it to the fullest.  If we have a dream NOW is the time to pursue that dream because we are not getting any younger!  Life is too short to go around sad and all down in the dumps.  Get up every morning and put a smile on your face whether you feel like smiling or not.  I think 99% of the time that fake smile will become real by midday.  Always have a kind word and a smile for the people you come in contact with.  Whether it's the meter reader or your neighbor... smile and say something nice.  Happiness breeds happiness!  It is contagious, I promise!

I would bet that everyone who sees me on a regular basis thinks I am the happiest person in the world.  No one knows the heart break and difficult times I have experienced in my life.  If you knew, you would probably think I am insane for smiling all the time.  Have I ever felt like giving up?  I've come close but, have never let myself cross that line and I NEVER WILL!  I have too many things I want to do and to experience to let anything get me down!!

I will never live long enough to create and/or sew all the creations I have floating around in my head.  Since I was a young child I have loved to sing.  I forgot to sing for about 20 years and now I am relearning something I've always loved.  I can't tell you how much joy I get from sewing up something or making jewelry and giving it to someone special.  I can't tell you how good it feels to me to get up and sing a song during Karaoke and have people clap for me.  There is nothing better in the world than helping someone who is having a little trouble in their life or they are really down and out and you bring them a little happiness for a moment.

We never know what a smile or a little word of kindness can mean to a stranger or a friend!  I would love to hear from my readers.... tell me, do you smile on a regular basis?  Have you had someone smile and say kind words to you and instantly it made you feel better?

Nanette
The Crow's Nest

9/11 America Will Never Forget!!

Enola and her Dad, Jim Byrd (my ex-husband) stopped by this morning.  They were on a bike ride today in honor of 9/11!!



I was a young child when the Vietnam War ended and didn't really understand what it was all about.  My daughter's father, Jim Byrd, was actually in the Navy at the end of the Vietnam war. He was just a 19 or 20 year old kid!! His dear Mother, told me she lived in fear back then that her Son would be sent to Vietnam.  Thankfully, it never happened.  If I am remembering correctly, Jim was on the runway about to take off headed to Vietnam when the war was stopped! 

My dear grandmother,  Enola Crouch, lost a son during World War II, my Uncle Clif Crouch!!  I don't remember Pa Crouch ever speaking of my Uncle Clif or WWII.  However, he did tell stories about being in WWI.  I remember him telling me about riding his Harley motorcycle from Alabama to Maryland.  He apparently loved his motor cycle and named his 2nd son Clifton Harley Crouch.  Mama Crouch would NEVER watch anything on television that had to do with war!!  I can't imagine the heartbreak my Grandparents suffered when they lost Uncle Clif during WWII.  I guess that is where I developed my fear of war.   Also, I've been a vivid dreamer my entire life and I've been chased in my dreams by the WWII Nazi Germans!!  I've had someone suggest to me that perhaps I may have lived before as  a Jew back in those times!!  Don't know about that, but these dreams were going on as early in my life as I can remember!!  

 I clearly remember Desert Storm and how terrified I was.  My daughter was a baby and I was scared to death for our Country.   Fortunately, it was a very quick war and I was able to put it behind me and feel safe in the USA.  When 9/11 happened it changed my life forever and I'm sure the rest of America feels the same way!!  It has had a dramatic effect on my children who were 13 and 3 at the time, especially my little boy.  Jordan is now terrified of war  and has a horrible fear of having to fight in a war.  As the Mother of a boy, I am terrified my son will have to fight in a war one day.  I pray that America never has to start drafting our young men for war!!

The day of 9/11 I was in shock as I'm sure the rest of our Great Nation was.  I think I was a zombie for at least two weeks as I stayed glued to the television.  I can't remember exactly how long it was after 9/11 that the military planes started flying over my house at night.  I remember the first time it happened was during the middle of the night and we all woke up terrified and ran outside to look up in the sky.  I'll never forget the look of terror on Enola's face (she was 13 at the time).  It seems like there were a hundred planes, but I'm sure it was much less!!  The noise was deafening!!  I felt as if my nightmares were coming true and it definitely reinforced my feeling that our lives would never be the same in the USA!  I've lost count of how many times I woke up to the sound of those military planes flying overhead, but I will never forget the feeling of terror!!  After 9/11 going to an airport was kind of spooky and scary.  I couldn't believe I was seeing soldiers with guns policing the airports.  I was nearly strip searched because I forgot my pill box was in my bra with my days medication!!   I was ready to run out of the airport screaming at the top of my lungs!!

It's hard to believe 9/11 was ten years ago today!!  I find myself once again glued to the television with tears in my eyes just thinking of what all our country has been through.  The young men and women of our country who lost parents in the Twin Towers.... hearing them speak 10 years later about their loss is heartbreaking!  The parents who lost children.... The men and women who lost their spouses to 9/11.  Now, all our military men and women that have lost their lives!!  It's almost too difficult for my tender heart to think about. 


Enola and I are going to New York City for five days in December.  We are planning on visiting Ground Zero and paying our respects to our fallen brothers and sisters.  I know it will be a very emotional experience.  I've not been to NYC since 9/11 and can't imagine the Twin Towers not being there!

Have all of you felt dramatically changed since 9/11?  Have you lost that comfortable feeling that the USA is untouchable?  Do  you perhaps feel safer because of Homeland Security??  I would really love to hear from all of you about how 9/11 has affected your life and the lives of your loved ones!!  Thanks to all of you for reading my ramblings!!  I love and appreciate each and everyone of you!

Sincerely,
Nanette




P.s.  My daughter Enola is named after my grandmother, Enola Crouch.  My brother, Clif Crow, is named after my Uncle, Clif Crouch!

I dressed Patriotic Friday when I hung my flags on the front porch of the Crow's Nest!