Today I have a guest blogger. Spritequeen and I met on a site for Tethered Cord Syndrome. I'm so lucky that I've been able to walk without the help of crutches my entire life. When I finally had the Tethered Cord surgery to cut my Spinal Cord loose from my tailbone the surgeon told me he couldn't believe I had functioned and worked my entire life. My surgery was 5 hours and I was in a hospital bed for 4 days and night with morphine shots every 30 minutes. I truly did not know if I would ever walk again!!
I am a walking miracle and so thankful for this fact. My parents knew something was wrong with me by the age of two. I was taken to a specialist and wore corrective shoes until the age of 13. My left leg and foot did not fully develop and I've had constant pain since the age of 12. I've never let it stop me.... yes I've had to slow down since surgery and the pain is excruciating but I keep on going!!
You want to talk about dirty looks when I pull into a handicapped space..... wow do I get the looks. I hate to walk with my cane and usually leave it in the SUV. As a child I had other children ask me why my left leg was so skinny.... I was terrified to wear dresses for this reason!! I overcame that by trying out for majorette in high school... never dreamed I would get it... but I did. At first I was horrified to prance around in that sequin bathing suit looking uniform. My band director, Carol Crosslin, gave me the encouragement to overcome my fears and taught me I had leadership abilities I didn't know I had.
I am a very lucky person and I never forget that fact!!
I hope you enjoy what my friend SpriteQueen has posted. She was also born with a Tethered Spinal Cord. I only know of one other person besides SpriteQueen and myself with this condition.
Thanks to all of you!
Nanette
The Crow's Nest
spritequeen.wordpress.comDisability Etiquette
October 24, 2011 by causeitcanbedone
If you were born “normal” (with no earth-shattering illnesses/afflictions), and you were raised in a “normal” family (again, without any visible physical or mental drama), seeing things that are NOT what you’re accustomed to can be a little scary. For that reason, I’ve decided to put together a few little tips to help people interact with others who are “different”, so the experience can be a pleasant one for everyone involved. I truly hope the following is helpful to people who are not accustomed to being around disabled individuals.
1. Just because someone is “different”, it doesn’t mean they’re broken. Apologizing about that difference is offensive to the recipient. It drives home the fact that they are considered “less”. Instead of commiserating with someone on their difference, look for something in common, or even better, something flattering. Do you like their shirt or hairstyle? Maybe a cool tattoo or piece of jewelry? Take the focus away from the differences that you see. Not everyone has to be an Olympic athlete, and most people who have disabilities are fine with that. Yes, there ARE hard days, but they’re going to commiserate with friends or family members – not total strangers. Just like a “normal” person would.
2. Make sure the compliment fits. Do people compliment you on how you walk so NORMAL or how normal your hearing or sight is? No. The same applies to someone with a physical disability. For all you know, that person on crutches has been on them since they learned to stand. It’s no different for them than it is for a ‘normal’ person to walk without them. Don’t make it an issue. Now, if you KNOW that the person has been injured, and you’ve followed their recovery, and you know they’ve worked hard to overcome a challenge, by ALL MEANS compliment them for their efforts. They’ve earned the praise!
3. Don’t throw out guesses as to why they have whatever ailment. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I had Polio! Ummm…1. I’ve had that shot! 2. I’m not that old, thank you very much! LOL For MOST people a polite “Would you mind if I asked what happened?” goes a LOT farther than “What the heck happened to YOU? Get hit by a train, or something?!” Personally, I think it’s weird to ask a total stranger in the first place, but if you REALLY HAVE TO KNOW, be polite.
4. Repeat after me: ”Even people in wheelchairs can be jerks”. It’s true! Not everyone with a disability is an angel! Ask my ex. He’s got all KINDS of stories about what a witch I can be! Automatically assuming that someone with a physical or mental problem is a perfect angel is lunacy on YOUR part. With that being said, though, there’s no need to FEAR people with these differences, either. Just because they may look a little different doesn’t mean they’re bad. Bottom line, use the same caution you would use in approaching ANY new relationship/friendship.
5. Don’t stare – and don’t let your kids stare! It’s just flat-out RUDE! There’s NOTHING to gain from openly gawking at someone who is different. Again, if there are questions you have that you literally can’t live without the answers to, then go ask. But staring like that makes someone feel like they’re at police headquarters in the dark room with the spotlight shining on them – and they’ve done nothing wrong. It’s TERRIBLY uncomfortable. There’s NO need to make someone else feel like that.
6. Don’t make assumptions on ability levels. It’s simply not your place to decide for someone what they are, or are not, capable of doing. Remember the quote: ‘The person who says “it can’t be done” is liable to be interrupted by someone doing it.’
7. Don’t assume ANYTHING. Every disability can affect every person who has one in a different way. Do NOT assume that someone with a mental impairment doesn’t have the capacity to understand. They may not be able to SHOW it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t GET it. Don’t assume that someone with a physical issue can’t do something just because YOU don’t feel like you could do it in the same scenario.
8. People with disabilities have babies, too. I’ll be the proof of that – I’ve had three! Just because the factory looks a little different, doesn’t mean that the conveyor belt’s not working – if ya catch my drift! And, if you really want to know, it happens in the same way OTHER babies get delivered to their mommy’s bellies! If you DON’T know that…I’m afraid I can’t help you there! LOL. Google, maybe?? LOL If you really want to be WOW’ed by that, be inspired that their kids (hopefully!) grow up “normally” and don’t become serial killers or other such TRULY scary people!
9. If you really can’t have a NORMAL conversation or interaction with someone who is physically or mentally different, just keep your mouth shut. It really IS ok – and, actually, preferred. Trust me, if you get all antsy and awkward, YOU’RE going to be the one looking silly – not them.
10. Golden Rule. Need I say more? Treat people how YOU would expect to be treated in their shoes. You DON’T have to cater to their every whim. That only creates spoiled/dependent brats – just like it would any other capable person. But, you DO have to play nice, too. It’s all about common courtesy for EVERYONE.
P.S. If you’d like to read some of the crazy things people have said to me (and people think I’M weird?!) check this out! It’s funny, I promise! (Well, unless you’re the one that said it to me. THEN, congratulations! You’ve made it onto my “weird people of the world” page! It’s kind of right up there with the ‘people of Walmart’ for me!)
4. Repeat after me: ”Even people in wheelchairs can be jerks”. It’s true! Not everyone with a disability is an angel! Ask my ex. He’s got all KINDS of stories about what a witch I can be! Automatically assuming that someone with a physical or mental problem is a perfect angel is lunacy on YOUR part. With that being said, though, there’s no need to FEAR people with these differences, either. Just because they may look a little different doesn’t mean they’re bad. Bottom line, use the same caution you would use in approaching ANY new relationship/friendship.
5. Don’t stare – and don’t let your kids stare! It’s just flat-out RUDE! There’s NOTHING to gain from openly gawking at someone who is different. Again, if there are questions you have that you literally can’t live without the answers to, then go ask. But staring like that makes someone feel like they’re at police headquarters in the dark room with the spotlight shining on them – and they’ve done nothing wrong. It’s TERRIBLY uncomfortable. There’s NO need to make someone else feel like that.
6. Don’t make assumptions on ability levels. It’s simply not your place to decide for someone what they are, or are not, capable of doing. Remember the quote: ‘The person who says “it can’t be done” is liable to be interrupted by someone doing it.’
7. Don’t assume ANYTHING. Every disability can affect every person who has one in a different way. Do NOT assume that someone with a mental impairment doesn’t have the capacity to understand. They may not be able to SHOW it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t GET it. Don’t assume that someone with a physical issue can’t do something just because YOU don’t feel like you could do it in the same scenario.
8. People with disabilities have babies, too. I’ll be the proof of that – I’ve had three! Just because the factory looks a little different, doesn’t mean that the conveyor belt’s not working – if ya catch my drift! And, if you really want to know, it happens in the same way OTHER babies get delivered to their mommy’s bellies! If you DON’T know that…I’m afraid I can’t help you there! LOL. Google, maybe?? LOL If you really want to be WOW’ed by that, be inspired that their kids (hopefully!) grow up “normally” and don’t become serial killers or other such TRULY scary people!
9. If you really can’t have a NORMAL conversation or interaction with someone who is physically or mentally different, just keep your mouth shut. It really IS ok – and, actually, preferred. Trust me, if you get all antsy and awkward, YOU’RE going to be the one looking silly – not them.
10. Golden Rule. Need I say more? Treat people how YOU would expect to be treated in their shoes. You DON’T have to cater to their every whim. That only creates spoiled/dependent brats – just like it would any other capable person. But, you DO have to play nice, too. It’s all about common courtesy for EVERYONE.
P.S. If you’d like to read some of the crazy things people have said to me (and people think I’M weird?!) check this out! It’s funny, I promise! (Well, unless you’re the one that said it to me. THEN, congratulations! You’ve made it onto my “weird people of the world” page! It’s kind of right up there with the ‘people of Walmart’ for me!)
LOVE your story!! Thanks for sharing - and thanks for letting me share mine! Have a great day & keep smilin'!
ReplyDeleteI've always told people that ask about Bradley.....he can do what anyone else does, he just does it "his way". We live in a very judgmental society and it's very sad that it has to be that way! Bradley doesn't see any obstacles & nothing has ever slowed him down. I've never ever asked "what if" but have always been thankful & blessed for the personable and kind, "down to earth" young man he is!!! I simply could not have asked for a better son and I love him with all my heart!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's never been a disability, but I did get teased a bit when I was a kid about how I walked like a duck. I've worked to lose that, it's only apparent when I'm very tired. Some how, it has given me very strong legs, but I run slow ;-)I remember a few years ago, I had a friend who had had polio as a kid. We were out goofing around one day when a stranger came up and asked, shockingly, "Oh my gawd, what happened to your shoes?"
ReplyDeleteHe just looked at the idiot and said, "Nothing, kid. I bought them this way."
And,
I, too, have that can testify to my less than angelic moments. But, I contend that she is full of beans ;-)
*I have an ex. Sorry if it looks silly
ReplyDelete