Shannon Mislead Keith???!! Part 5 of ONLINE DATING

 This blog post contains sexual content, so, if you will be offended, please do not read this particular post!!  Thanks
Okay, friends and followers, this is the biggie!!  This is the entire story from Shannon's point of view.  This is straight from the horses mouth!!   This is part 5 in my series about ONLINE DATING




It began, groovy enough, however, it ended with a kind of trauma, that doesn’t just go away.  Let me start at the beginning and clip along to the point.  (Names and places of these events may be changed to protect the innocent.)

I have two words for you, Online Dating.  Two of the most dangerous words in the modern English language today.  Let me explain…

I know this girl, her name is Shannon, and she met this groovy dude from a stoner’s forum.  That’s right, I said stoner.  Shannon is in fact a stoner, which automatically makes this story funny.  Shannon is bored one night and finds a groovy website called High Life, and she meets a guy named Keith over a debate about telepathy.  After a very stimulating debate, Shannon finds she is attracted to  Keith’s mind… and fast forward 3 years….

After being online friends for a couple years Keith and Shannon start flirting and this, of course, leads to the two of them choosing to try to have a Long Distance Dating Relationship.   A little back ground here, Shannon is 13 years older than Keith and has a rule that she never dates younger men!  Ever.  But she (stupidly) breaks this rule for a chance to see if the online chemistry (Keith is good at giving online steam) is as good in person as it is on a computer screen.  Keith lives in Louisiana and Shannon lives in Arkansas.  Things get pretty interesting and finally Keith decides to come visit Shannon for a weekend.  Shannon spends an enormous amount of time earning extra cash for this weekend because she wants to get  a hotel room for the first night, so they can get to know each other without Shannon’s friends/family/roommates watching, and teasing her unmercifully, and yes she planned on banging his brains out too.  Shannon was very excited and counted the days till Keith arrived.  They talked very intensely and sometimes very erotically for  weeks, waiting for this.  Then the big day comes and Shannon goes to the airport to pick him up.  She text her BFF and lets her know that she is at the airport, and text again letting her know she is waiting for the plane to land….. She is of course excited and nervous too….  She stands by a column in front of the gate waiting and then he appears.  She has kept her shades on and was glad, because she knew the surprise in her eyes couldn’t be hidden…..  Shannon doesn’t text her BFF again for some time to come. Keith did not look like any of his pictures. He looked young, and very small, though he was NOT 4 and a half feet tall…..  Turns out the camera lies.  Although…. Shannon thought to herself,  “The camera never lied for her.“  And a faint buzzing started in the back of her head, though she ignored it. But whatever, looks aren’t everything.  Right?  So they say hello a little awkwardly, then headed  to the hotel. 

Folks, things went down hill from there.

So they are at the hotel and they are smoking a little weed and Shannon is surprised that he has so much trouble with the pipe, he even quits after 2 hits and says, “That weed is awful.”  Yeah, sure the weed is the problem, of course, that’s the problem here, she thinks to herself….. But ok, whatever, and they start their hand holding and Shannon runs her hands up his arms and squeezes his upper arms and Keith says, “Oow..”  in a soft little surprised sound.  Apparently she hurt him.  But whatever.  Shannon was still game here and had also been without a sex life, for 18 months, and isn't deterred easily, from what she wants.   So….the night goes on and the two of them get down to the nitty gritty of joyous part of sex and Keith says, I'm going to put a condom on, Shannon says , ‘Do that.’  This is where things start to go, further south.  Keith has a hard time getting the condom on.  No the condom is not too small, at all, he just doesn’t seem to know how to operate a condom.

Shannon starts to offer to do it for him, but stops herself when he, seeing she was about to say something made a negative “don’t” sort of sound.   After he finally gets the thing on, Shannon isn’t really in “burning hot for him” mode, or in this case, “yeah sure, I have nothing better to do” mode, any longer.  But she gives it the old college try anyway, turns out he really didn’t need Shannon there at all, as he couldn’t get his penis in the proper place.  That didn’t slow him down at all, in fact he didn’t seem to notice this at all, which had Shannon biting her tongue, to keep from laughing out loud.

The look on his face, as he went at it like a little Jack rabbit, was comical, to say the least.  Shannon, as a rule, usually doesn’t keep her thoughts to herself, its just not natural for her.  But something about Keith's demeanor just kept her from voicing her thoughts aloud, for fear of hurting him emotionally….I know, strange right? And then he was done, tired….  And Shannon had not participated in the least and Keith had not even noticed.  That warning buzzer in the back of her head got a tiny bit louder……

Let’s go eat dinner.

Shannon, who’s been around the block a few times, possesses a pretty colorful past, is a strong gal and she can handle herself.  While waiting to be seated at a local restaurant, a tipsy fellow that was asked to leave, nearly stumbled right into Keith, so Shannon threw her arm out to catch the man, keeping Keith unharmed as she had a thought that it might truly hurt him.  The tipsy fellow said, thanks man, and continued on his way, out the door and the Hostess actually said to Shannon, “Nice muscle, there.” while giving her a thumbs up.  When Shannon caught the look on Keith's face (surprised) she knew the night was going to be strange, even for her.  His eyes were very wide and he didn’t seem to want to meet Shannon’s eyes and avoided looking at her for, a few moments.  Then it gets interesting.

Once they were seated, ordered and had a very nice meal, good conversation and then it happened.   Now first let me say that Shannon had conflicting feelings about all this.  Let me explain…..

So the waitress lays the check beside Keith and Keith picks it up and divides it out.  He says, you owe 16 dollars for your half.  Shannon is thinking to herself, ‘He isn’t going to buy her a meal?’  But she is a progressive, modern woman, that can pull her own weight, but still, ‘He wants to go Dutch? WTF?’ See? Conflicting feelings.  But ok, she can do this, nothing wrong with paying for herself, etc. Whatever.  Shannon can hear that faint buzzer in the back of her mind that began the moment she got an up close and in person look at Kevin at the airport, getting louder,  only now it has a mechanical voice, whispering, ‘Danger Will Robinson, Danger.’  But Shannon is a trooper if nothing else and she just rolls with it, though she knows her BFF would not like it one little bit….

Let’s fast forward two hours later.  They are naked and working on some nice steamy mattress mamba sex, at least Shannon is trying to.  Remember she still, hasn‘t had her bell rung yet.  She has him turn over and begins to give him a back rub.  She is getting into it and he really seems to like it also.  She slowly drags her hands down his back, edging closer and closer to his ass cheeks….He is making all sorts of ’that feels great’ noises and Shannon slides down his legs where she is straddling him to reach his ass cheeks for the real turn on massaging.

And it happens.  OMG!!  No, No!!

Right there, next to his ass crack is a dark spot about the size of Shannon’s thumb.  She asks herself, ‘Is that a birthmark? A mole, maybe? Please let it be a mole.’  she begs silently.  Of course, she has a hard time hearing herself think because of the screaming inside her head.  “RUN! DON’T LOOK! RUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!“  But she feels trapped by the circumstance of her present, set by her own reckless online fun, of the past few weeks. She can not escape this moment. Yes that’s right, He has a piece of shit on his ass and it’s SHINNY.  Never can Shannon un-see this, never can Shannon contemplate the joys of a hot fudge Sunday again, all is forever tainted by this one moment.

But how does she get past this moment? What should she do? Should she tell him?  But no, can’t tell him, he has already demonstrated that he has issues with being embarrassed. Can’t tell him. So? What? What should she do?

In her panic she chooses the road of least resistance, as her hands jerkily move away from his ass, WAY, away from his ass…She smacks the bed and says with an over bright smile, “Let’s shower!”  Being so submissive, Keith doesn’t question this, he just jumps up and runs to the bathroom and Shannon, steps close to the door and says, “Oh, you go ahead, this bathroom is so small, Ill get one in, after you.” smile frozen in place.

Shannon, in desperate need of lots of drugs and, or alcohol, grabs her cigarettes and steps out the door to smoke.  She briefly considers texting her BFFs for help, but after some deep breathing exercises, thinks she can handle the rest of the night if she just gets stoned enough……  Of course, the thoughts of what her BFFs are going to say isn't pleasant.  I'm thinking.... they tried to warn me..... OMG they are going to say.... I TOLD YOU SO!!!

The next day…

I wont bore you with the argument Shannon had with house keeping, because it really has no baring on this story except to illustrate how on edge Shannon was….Once she realized the house keeper didn’t speak English, taking out her frustrations on him seemed anti-climatic, if you’ll pardon the pun….

Remember folks this is an entire weekend that Shannon has committed to, therefore, when she pulls up to her home the next morning, it’s with Keith in tow.  Her BFFs are not at home at the moment (much to Shannon‘s despair), so she and Keith hang out, mostly it is Shannon trying to find stuff to talk about, or things to show Keith so he would just stop trying to be all lovey, dovey and keep his damn hands to himself.  Shannon mentally sends messages to her two best friends, begging them to hurry up and get home.  Now, y'all have to understand, that Shannon has also realized that Keith is a strange bird (even for her), he has a photographic like memory and is extremely perceptive, though he comes to the incorrect conclusions, about  the reasoning behind her behavior. He has an air of innocents as well, that most men in their 30’s do NOT have.  So she knew she couldn’t tell her friends anything while Keith was still a guest in their home.  He would pick up on it and she really did not want to hurt his feelings…

Finally they return home and Shannon practically runs to the door to let them inside, she grabs bff #1 and hugs her hard, then bff #2 she grabs and hugs, just as hard. Then they get a good look at Keith and both have to turn away and pretend to put stuff they bought up, so that they could regain their composure.  As mentioned before, Keith does NOT look like his pictures.  BFFs are notorious for knowing when something is up with their bff.  These two did not let Shannon down.  They knew something was up.  They each try to make conversation with Keith and when they realized he was not that social they turned to other things, heh.  Shannon decides to cook, because she loves to cook.  After fixing them a meal and serving everyone a pretty tasty stir fry, Keith tells Shannon, “It was alright.”  Shannon is more pissed about this than the trauma she had already survived.  She thinks to herself, ‘Alright?’ Who says that? Even if it tasted like ass, which it did not, he should have said, ‘Awesome meal!’ Am I right? Am I?

During the rest of the day, Shannon watches while her bffs start to get ready for their night out to the local pub.  In walks Shannon's 13 year old nephew and his 10 year old best friend who join them and the conversation turns to the joys of ‘dingle berries’ and the 32 other names the two of them have come up with for shit missed in their shorts.  Of course y'all can imagine the look on Shannon’s face while she laughed so hard that she thought she might pass out.  And remember that no one but she, knows about the trauma she experienced the night before.  Then we make fun of the  words that sound funny that are actually mental disorders (no offense meant to anyone that has mental disorders, but this applies so just wait for it.)  The subject came up from my BFFs just trying to make any kind of a conversation and they started talking about how they studied for a psychology test.  Throughout all of this, Shannon nearly pees in her pants because her laughter is bordering on hysterical, and she has no one to share it with yet.

As her 2 BFFs are walking out the door for their night out, she hugs them again as if they are leaving for good, never to be seen again.  They both look at Shannon with concern and even ask her again if they would like to come along. That voice in Shannon’s head is of course, still screaming ‘Don’t leave me! Please, don’t leave me!!’ But being a trooper she just smiles and says out loud, “No, I think we are going to watch a movie.’  And as she closes the door she takes a deep breath to go back and sit down beside Keith, but before she can even release her breath he says to her, “Baby, come sit with me I want to tell you something.” 

Shannon sits braced for something, though she isn’t sure what exactly, I mean Shannon is ready to hear absolutely anything, and prays briefly that it isn‘t that he likes to dress up in women’s clothes or some other happy shit……He tells her that he has Asburgers (a form of Autism).   Once again, the Fates have surprised Shannon.  She had not even imagined this revelation.  But as she absorbs this, images are popping into her minds eye, things that have happened ever since she picked him up at the airport.  It is starting to all fall into place and make a kind of sense.  He wants Shannon to know he has cured himself, and she gives him a look (apparently) and he rephrases his statement to, “I have been successful at managing my condition.”  So, ok, she says, ‘Hmmp.” What else is there to say?

She also briefly wonders if he is a virgin, which would explain the sex, or lack there of.  Then she wishes for an earthquake to open the ground beneath her and swallow her whole. Jeez, she realizes she may have corrupted this innocent guy.  Has she become the cliche?  Is she now a Cougar? Worse, has she become the stealer of innocents?

It just can't stop..... it just keeps on....

They began to make out again (the why’s of this aren’t important) and she is trying to get into it, she really was, but things keep flashing into her head.  The SHINNY. The ouch. The check.  The obsession with movies and how they imitate life (haven’t mentioned that part yet, but yes he had a real obsession with how our lives were like a movie)The Asbergers.  The lack of resemblance to his pictures. The ENTIRE disaster of the weekend……. and her ‘switch’ gets flipped to off, and will not come back on.  She doesn’t say anything at first (simply tries to figure out a plan of action), but then Keith says something that makes her realize he will know something is wrong and she doesn’t want him to know this just yet.  He says, “I memorized all of your hot spots on your body last night and now they aren’t working the same.”  Memorized her spots? She thinks to herself.  For the love of Pete, can this get any worse?  Really?

Shannon begs for an instant death of any sort  before saying brightly, “Thirsty?”  He asks for a beer  (she figures she is already going to burn for one kind of corruption to an innocent, why not add more to it) and she sure needs one, so she grabs a couple bottles and they sit sipping (actually Shannon pretty much, kills hers) and just talking about nothing.  Shannon remembers she has promised him stars and she figured that would take up a couple hours at the least, so takes him out side to lay under the night sky and look at the stars, in a country sky.

Next day…..

First of all we could not sleep in the camper as planned.  He was obviously weirded out by the camper.... No choice but to take him back into the house to the spare bedroom even though the BFFs expected them to be in the camper!! The night seemed long to Shannon as they slept in the same bed again, but she managed to fake sleep well enough that he finally went to sleep too.  His flight back to his home is early so they get up and get ready before the BFFs are awake....... and Shannon takes him to the airport….but wait, he forgets his boarding pass and they have to come back and get it.  She starts to insist he put gas in her truck (he sure expected her to pay for her own meal), but decided if she can just get him to the airport, all will be ok.  She finally gets him there and gives him a good kiss bye bye, and says, ‘Well, Im gonna go now. Have a good flight…..bye now” and practically flees from the airport. All she wants to do is get home to tell her friends about the events of the weekend that they do not yet know……..over pancakes, of course…..and possibly later consume lots of alcohol.  This is their Sex in the City girl talk #44.….and the laughter continues.



I would like to make sure everyone knows that Keith was a very nice man, a good guy with an air of innocence that Shannon is sure she tarnished, somewhat..  He was simply not the guy for Shannon and she broke things off with him immediately, wished him luck and blah, blah.  He wasn’t very pleased with Shannon, even told her that he felt mislead.  That’s right, he was mislead.

Moral of this story?  Fantasies are fun, but they are not real!  And I guess maybe Shannon learned that she should listen when others are telling her to be careful!!  Shannon has also learned that laughter is the best medicine, so, she hopes that you will all join in and share your stories too.  Then we can all laugh at each other!!






From Nanette
We know more than one person with Autism and love them dearly.  None of us can change the Genetic Disabilities we were born with. However, we can be honest about them especially with someone we think we might want to spend a lifetime with.  This series of blogging is in no way making fun of a disability.  It is however, making fun of ONLINE DATING!!


I love getting your comments and welcome all of you to join in and add your stories in the comment area, if you so wish!!

Thanks,
Nanette
The Crows Nest