Is That a Dingle Berry??? Part 4 of ONLINE DATING

This is part 4 of my series of ONLINE DATING!!!  Since this isn't my usual blogging about simple living in the South, I must warn you this may be R-Rated.  If you will be offended by sexual contend and/or possibly 4 letter words, please do not read this series of post!!

Okay, so I believe I left  you all yesterday at the point where Shannon had sent me a text that she was in the Airport waiting for Keith to arrive.  I  heard nothing further and was a little worried that she might be dead, but, on the other hand she could be having the best sex of her life!!  Goodness knows Keith had worked her into a frenzy during their 5 or 6 weeks of internet fantasy dating!! lol

On Friday night, even though I was concerned that I hadn't heard from Shannon, I knew my fan club would be waiting on me to sing at the local watering hole (The Hide Away).  It was actually a good night at the club.  We had a good crowd, and a bunch of decent singers.  Enola and I did murder a Cher song, but other than that we pretty much rocked.  Enola did Joan Jett's I Love Rock and Roll and absolutely churned the crowd into a frenzy!!  I hit them with a good oldie These Boots Are Made For Walking and the night was up and running!!

As the night went on and I didn't hear from Shannon I became more and more worried.  I finally broke down and sent a text that simply said "update please"!  Her response was simply "groovy".  Well, I knew that meant one of two things, either she was having some really good sex, or the guy was looking over her shoulder and she couldn't elaborate.  Hey, I knew she was still alive and that was the important thing at the moment.  I headed on home to The Crows Nest about 1 in the morning with the thoughts of sleeping till about noon.

Yeah right, I was going to sleep till noon!  Enola woke me up around 9 on Saturday morning insisting we get up and do something!!!   Jeez, I was exhausted and I knew  Shannon had to check out of the motel room by noon.  Enola and I went shopping and the entire time we were discussing Shannon and Keith..... you know, wondering if it was a wonderful continuation of their online romance, or if he was a dud....  We couldn't stop talking about it and wondering.  About noon thirty we decided we needed to head home to see if Shannon and Keith were going to show up.

As we approach the Nest we notice Shannon's vehicle in the driveway and I sort of caught a glance of her and Keith on the front porch.  Enola and I start unloading the SUV and Shannon comes running around the front of the house and hugs us like we haven't seen each other in months.  I'm thinking to myself, wow, she's really happy and wants to share the love with us!!  She starts to help us carry in the packages and I stop her and tell her to go on back to Keith because we can handle it.

Enola and I are in the kitchen and Shannon and Keith walk in!!!  OMG, I take one look at him and have to furiously go back to emptying the shopping bags.  I mean, OMG, I have to compose myself.... OMG!!  I don't dare look Enola or Shannon in the eyes because I knew it would not result in making Keith feel good about himself!!! OMG is running through my mind and I'm trying to mentally talk myself down and tell myself that I am a Southern Belle and I can pull off being nice to anyone on earth!!  I finally feel composed enough to sort of look at him and say "hi, Keith, welcome to the Nest"!!  and I reach to shake his hand.  Now, I'm a hugger and normally I would have hugged someone that my friend is so taken with but, OMG this person looks like a skinny weenie with ears and eyebrows!!!  I kid you not!!  And shaking his hand felt like touching a small dead child's hand, or at least what I would imagine it to feel like!!  You know a cold limp noodle or something of the sort!!!  I honestly, cannot tell you what he said in response or what was even said in the next 10 minutes or so because I was absolutely in shock!!  I can't look at Shannon.... I can't look at Enola!!!  OMG

Enola and I go into the living room and leave Shannon and Keith momentarily in the kitchen.  The looks we are giving each other and mental conversation we were having was something like this.... OMG.... he looks like a skinny d**k with ears and eyebrows..... OMG what is Shannon thinking.... he's so skinny..... he looks no more than 25.... oh, man, how are we going to handle this till he leaves tomorrow????

Shannon and Keith join us in the living room and I try to engage Keith in conversation.  OMG, this man/child can't carry on a conversation.  He keeps reaching over to Shannon and trying to kiss her on the shoulder and  I'm just screaming inside my mind trying to figure out what to do.... how do I talk to this person and not run screaming out of my own house.  My 13 year old son, Jordan, and his little friend comes in and starts telling little funnies about fecal matter.... dingle berries.... noodle poodles.... poop soup...... shart tarts... and about 32 other names for the same  disgusting  topic!!  I notice that Shannon is looking a little green around the gills, but I figured it was just the subject matter... Boy, was I right about that, but not in the way you think!!!..... Aren't you dying to know.... well just keep on reading and remember this is all true... absolutely true lol

Now, remember this is Saturday and of course, we are expected at the Hide Away for Karaoke.  I casually ask Shannon if she and Keith (the man/child) would like to go with us.  As I'm asking her this I am imagining all of us walking into our local watering hole and the looks we are going to be getting!  I'm thinking  our peeps would all try to show southern hospitality to Keith, but would immediately feel the awkwardness and weirdness and move as far away from us as possible!!  As soon as I asked them if they were going, Shannon is looking at me with the oddest look on her face and is telling me they are going to stay at the house and watch an old movie called True Romance.  Inside my head I am screaming and wondering why on earth my SyFy freak friend is suddenly so willing to watch chick flicks and romance movies.  I'm beginning to think there has been a change in this online fantasy now that it's not online.  But, I'm not 100% sure. 

This is what I have to go on so far..... #1 They obviously spent the night together on Friday.... #2 Shannon actually brought him to The Crows Nest.... #3 They have been sitting next to each other on the sofa with the man/child trying to kiss her shoulder.... #4 Shannon turned green when the boys discussed the different names for fecal matter.... #5  Keith is extremely AWKWARD/STRANGE or something (I just can't quite put my finger on it)..... #6  Bootsy, the Pit Bull, who usually is afraid of men went right up to Keith.... #7 Jordan has gotten me off alone and asked if I noticed the WEIRDO in our house.... #8 Shannon and Keith only stayed out in the camper about 5 minutes (I figured they went out there for a little lloovvee and would be a while)...... #9  I feel something in my head like someone is trying to send me a mental message.... something is banging on my brain....

As Enola and I are leaving for our night out Keith is anxiously setting up the movie and is actually talking and telling us all the great actors in the movie.  Surprises me that he is talking so much.  Shannon tells us that Keith actually has to be at the airport by 9:30 the next morning so we will more than likely not see him again.  Darn, this means I have to make nice to him before I leave.... I get up my nerve and walk through the living room one last time and try to look at Keith's ear lobe instead of in the eyes as I say that it was nice to meet him.  He reaches over for my hand to shake and tells me he is sure he will see me again!!  Oh, the limp noodle cold feeling hand again!!  Enola and I can hardly wait to get out of the house!!

Shannon walks us outside and assure us they will be sleeping in the camper when we get home and she will wake us up when she returns from the Airport on Sunday.  About, the camper..... we all decided beforehand that having a virtual stranger stay in the house just wasn't a comfortable feeling, so that's where the camper came into play.  It has a comfy bed and a good air conditioner.

All evening Enola and I are talking about what we have witnessed and we just keep saying the words awkward and weird..... those two words just would not leave our minds!!  We both decide the online fantasy just hasn't panned out for Shannon as planned.  We return home about midnight and I notice there are no lights in the camper, but there are lights on in one of the upstairs bedrooms.  I know that something is going on because Shannon would not have gone against what we had all decided without a really good excuse.  We walk into the kitchen and Shannon is in there getting something to eat and looks a little weird.  She very quickly says "we will be leaving early in the morning and I'll wake you both when I get back" and then she slowly walks up the stairs.  Enola and I each go to our bedrooms scratching our heads and trying to figure this whole thing out.  We are extremely puzzled as to why they are not sleeping in the camper.  Oh, well, we'll find out soon enough tomorrow!!

I grab Brutus, my 13 year old Dachshund, and we head to bed.  I can't go to sleep.  I check beside my bed and make sure my 9mm is where it should be.  I consider going ahead and putting a bullet in the chamber, but decide against it!!!  I worry about Enola upstairs, but knowing that her room is right above mine feel sure that I will hear any kind of disturbance.  I figure Shannon is going to be okay, because let's face it.... she could pick that little skinny dude up and throw him out the window if needed.  Then I begin to think about how if she does do that it's going to ruin the antique glass and will cost me a fortune to buy antique replacement glass and have it cut to fit.  After going over all of this a dozen or so times I finally fall asleep!!

On Sunday morning, I was sleeping so good when Shannon came bursting into the bedroom and said "I'm back from the Airport".  Enola comes down the stairs about that time and Shannon tells us both that we need to come and sit down in the kitchen.  She says she needs to cook pancakes for us while she tells us of the horror of the last 48 hours.....

Stay tuned for the details of Shannon's date with her online fantasy man!!

Nanette