East Limestone Teachers of the 70's!!

(50th Birthday Cake with my Senior Year Majorette Picture on it!!  Top of cake says "No No Nanette" and bottom of cake says "Fabulous & Fifty"!  A great surprise from my daughter, Enola!)

I recently had the opportunity to thank one of my teachers for the impact she has had on me throughout my life and the confidence she instilled in me.  I truly believe in my heart that this particular teacher  showed me I had talent and  leadership ability which prepared me for my adult life and my career.   Would I be a different person without having been under the tutelage of this great teacher for 8 years (5th through 12th grades)?  Maybe not completely different, but I believe without the dedication and  confidence instilled in me by this teacher I would  not have had the ability to accomplish so much or handle lifes ups and downs without completely losing my mind (notice the use of the word completely)!  This  teacher taught me it was  okay to be nervous and she helped me learn to laugh at myself during those BIG, BAD AND SCARY TRY-OUTS!  Trust me, she was a tough teacher and expected the best from all of her students but, she also taught us humor and a great love for music!!   Yes, I am talking about Carol Crosslin, the greatest band director to ever teach at East Limestone.

Kids these days seem to think band is a "nerdy" class to take and what a mistake they are making.  They can't imagine the feeling of excitement when you know you are a member of  the BEST BAND IN THE COUNTY, it's a home game and we (the band) are waiting to make our grand entrance.  As a member of this band you are closely watching Ms. Crosslin, just waiting for her to give the signal.  Your heart is pounding with excitement and about to burst with pride all at the same time.   As you are marching through the parking lot to make your grand entrance on the football field to the beat of the drummers you feel like you are part of something great!!  As half-time approaches you are once again closely watching Ms. Crosslin for that signal to quietly get in line for "the Big Show".  I always liked it when the other band performed first because, I knew we were going to blow them off the field with our performance.   When it was finally our turn to perform the East Limestone fans in the bleachers would go wild!!  Even as an adult I can still remember that incredible feeling of pride.  Another thing I will never forget is East Limestone Band marching in the Inaugural Parade in Montgomery, AL in January 1979.

Marching Band was extremely hard work and it also took up many days of summer vacation but, it was more than worth it!  Concert Band was where my nervousness came about.  You had to TRY-OUT for concert band and then Ms. Crosslin would decide what chair you would be in.  First and second chair for each instrument meant you were pretty darned good!!  I'm amazed I didn't get last chair every year because I was so nervous I would be trembling.  Heck, I think the first year or two I actually cried!!  Yes, seriously I can remember being so scared I cried!    It still amazes me that Ms. Crosslin was so patient with me  year after year when I would walk in for try- outs shaking like a leaf!!  I know the last couple of years of try-outs she would see me walking in the door and would laughingly start shaking and pretending she was playing a flute.  By not getting irritated and impatient with me and instead joking with me about my nervousness she made me realize it was just a part of life for some of us (at least us nervous types).   She taught me that laughter is a great medicine!!

Now, earlier I spoke of the wonderful feeling before marching out onto that football field!!  Multiply that by 10 and you've got the feeling of pride when you are at State Competition for concert band and get all top scores!!   I can still close my eyes and see Carol Crosslin right before we would perform.....  she would be looking at us and giving little signals and looks of encouragement.  You could actually see the spirit of the music coursing through her veins as she would direct us and lead us through competition.  You could see the look of pride on her face when we would finish a piece perfectly!  The bus ride back home from Tuscaloosa was so filled with excitement and the feeling of accomplishment.  We would arrive at school and walk into that band room and a dozen roses would be waiting on Ms. Crosslin, compliments of our great principal Paul Hargrove.


When I sent my message to Carol Crosslin last week on Face Book she responded  and I want to share a little of her response with my readers:   I am so glad that you found the wonder in yourself that I saw in you and so many of my students. I always tried to take each one of you where you were and help you move into security with yourself. Whether it was on the field or in concert, I wanted you to let your light shine.


I want to say that I was lucky to have had other wonderful teachers.... Mr. Fleming, Ms. Barksdale, and Mrs. Hargrove, along with the greatest Principal, Paul Hargrove!!!  I feel sure my daughter Enola is yet to be so strongly impacted by one of her teachers.  Jordan, my son, is in the 8th grade and I fear that he will not have from his teachers what I had from mine at East Limestone.  I'm not in anyway saying teachers of today are inferior!  I simply think you are one lucky kid if you run across a "Carol Crosslin" and have the experience of such a teacher as we did in the 70's.

Nanette
The Crow's Nest






P.s. For those of you who wonder why I sing Proud Mary every single weekend during Karaoke..... it's Ms. Crosslins fault!!

I Wonder if Betty White is a BIKER CHICK Like ME!!

Well, I watched Hot in Cleveland again last night and I have to tell you Betty White cracks me up.  She is so bloomin funny on the show.  I always thought of her as being more like the character she played in Golden Girls, but apparently, she's rather a crazy little lady and always has been.  I read somewhere that she actually wanted the part of Blanche on Golden Girls and was rather pissed when she got the role of the sweet little ding bat from St. Olfa, Rose.  Apparently, in real life she is a firecracker and has a rather foul mouth.  Now, you know I don't usually write with 4-letter words, but any of you who knows me from way back knows I can cuss like a sailor!!  It appears that Betty White finally has a show where she can show her true colors and cuss when she wants!  I love it and love her!!

I think it's my Southern Belle Status that prevents me from using 4-letter words when I blog.  Jeez, one of my dear little Aunts could be reading what I write and I don't want to be an embarrassment to them.  I don't want to be an embarrassment to my children either.  Even though, Enola writes a blog that sometimes makes me blush!!  Well, not really, but I want her to think it makes me blush.  She still thinks I'm a sweet and little naive southern girl!!   Also, I want people to enjoy reading my blog and I don't want to offend anyone!!   My closest friends tell me that they have never heard anyone cuss as eloquently as I do.  They claim that you hardly even notice I'm using 4-letter words because I ooze Southern Belleness  (is that a word.... it is now)!!

Let me tell you what I did last Saturday..... As most of you have heard, Enola, Tam and I have Scooters.  I'm not talking little putt putts that go 30 miles an hour.  I'm talking big bad bikes that go 70mph (at least that is the fastest I've allowed myself to get so far).  Our Scooters are street legal and you have to get a motorcycle license and a tag and everything lol.  I've been making all these shirts that say CresentCrow Scooter Club, and Biker Chick and all sorts of silly things with my monogramming/embroidery machine.  We keep talking about how we have to get gloves and leathers and all that stuff for cold weather biking!!  So, anyway, when I arrived at Hide Away last Saturday to help Butch Menefee with Karaoke I noticed some really sexy looking motorcycles parked out front!!  I had arrived early along with Tam and Enola so there were not many people in the bar.  Rough-house (the boss man) was at the table talking to the bikers so I walked over and spoke to everyone.  I asked them if they were going to stay for Karaoke and they responded that they were just out for a little riding.  Next thing I know boss man has walked off and I'm standing alone with these 2 BIKER couples.  I mean they were for real bikers.  I casually look at them and say "My girls over there and I are BIKER CHICKS"!  Well, that kind of gets there attention and then I say "Yeah, we all just bought SCOOTERS a few months ago"!!  I could tell they wanted to bust a gut laughing so I start my witch cackle and we have a great laugh over it!!  As we talked I guess they decided I was pretty cool and they stated they were going to go home and change out 2 wheels for 4 wheels and come back for Karaoke!!

An hour or so into Karaoke I look up and in walks my 4 new biker friends.  I was so excited and ran over and gave them all hugs and got them to sign up to sing some songs!!  As the night went on we all kept talking and laughing and just having a good time!!  By this time we are all on a FIRST NAME BASIS!!    I had another group of people come in that I had personally invited and along with the regulars we had a pretty decent crowd.  We all sang, danced and had a really good time.

When my biker friends, Dan, Phyllis, Kevin and Pam got ready to leave they all hugged me and told me I could ride with them anytime I want to!!  Now that may not mean much to you non BIKER folks, but that was a great compliment for real bikers to make a scooter rider an offer to ride with them anytime!!  Hey they even got my phone number, so I think they really meant it!!  Now I just need to get my butt on my scooter and practice riding so I don't embarrass myself when I get to ride with the BIG DOGS!! lol

Life in the South is such a beautiful way to live.  I feel that everything is just a little bit slower paced than up North.  I'll never forget going to New York City for the first time..... I was astounded by how fast EVERYTHING was.  People were rude and obnoxious and it was a real culture shock!!  I know there are rude and obnoxious people every where, but, don't you agree in the South it's just a little bit more relaxed?

I appreciate all of you that read and follow my blog!!  I love reading your comments and hope you will all take the time to go back and read others comments.  You can even comment on the commenter's comments if you like!!
Sincerely,
Nanette


P.S.  My bike says VINTAGE BARBIE in hot pink on each side!!  A young man, who is a dear friend, surprised me with the lettering!!


P.S.S. I think I'm going out for a ride now, so hope I'll be able to write again soon!! lol  If you see me on the road, do not blow the horn or anything because I might run off the road!!  I need practice!!

The Deep Freezer......

In my 1900 Victorian we have a big old chest style deep freezer that we hope to fill full of vegetables and such for the winter months.  My BFF (who has actually become a sister to me), Tam and I live here with my kids and our 8 dogs!!

Nearly every time Tam and I go out into the mud room to do laundry, sort through another unpacked box or to smoke a cigarette I gravitate to that freezer and hop right up on top of it to sit.  Having this deep freezer has brought back so many childhood memories for me. 

 

The first vivid memory is when I was about 5 years old and Mama was making me a beautiful robin’s egg blue dress.  I hated that dress!  It was wool and it itched.  I remember mama standing me up on my grandmother’s deep freezer to pin up the hem of that dress.  Mama has a painting of me in her living room wearing that dress.

 

When I was around 9 or 10 years old I remember cutting out patterns and fabric on the deep freezer in our house.  Mama was sewing clothes for my younger siblings and I was the helper doing the cutting out.  I remember also, that the deep freezer was a good place to just sit and talk. 

 

 

When I was approximately 10 years old Pa and Mama Crouch moved out of the “Old House” where they had lived and birthed many of their children, including my mother the baby of 7.  Mama Crouch apparently wanted a new house so Pa Crouch got her one.  This house was a 1 story and it had a huge utility room where they put 2 stand up freezers and in the long hallway leading from the house to the garage they had a huge chest style deep freezer.

 

The chest style freezer was full of beef where they had fed and slaughtered their own beef.  We were eating Black Angus before it became such a big deal with all the restaurants.  They would always have part of the hamburger meat made into pre-formed hamburger patties!!  They thought there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do so, by that time I was allowed to cook anything I wanted while at their house.  I loved to go and get a hamburger patty out of that big freezer and fry it up in the iron skillet.  Also, Mama Crouch and I would make a big bowl of Jell-O and add a can of Fruit Cocktail and put it in the freezer to jell faster.

 

When I was about 12 years old Pa and Mama Crouch gave Mama and Daddy the “Old House” and 20 acres for Christmas.  Of course, all of Mama’s siblings received 20 acres too!   I remember we worked our tails off remodeling that house.  I thought there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do and unfortunately, Mama and Daddy discovered I was darned good at re-glazing all the panes of glass and I turned out to be a decent painter too.  It was so exciting when we moved into that house.  I had spent the first 10 years of my life with Pa and Mama Crouch in that house and I loved it.  I still love it to this day.  When I go to Mama and Daddy’s it is the best feeling.  I feel safe, loved, protected, and just plain happy.  I can almost feel Pa Crouch sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and I can see Mama Crouch in the den sewing on her Singer making something or the other.  Well, anyway the good old chest style deep freezer went right into one end of the large den (where we hung out and watched tv.  Hey, it was an important part of our lives.  We were country people and we always had a cow in the freezer! 

 

Mama would go to the Sunbeam Store and buy the day old snack cakes.  They were the ones that had the Peanut’s characters on them and she would put them in the freezer.  I remember pulling out a cherry pie and biting down on a cherry pit and breaking off a piece of one of my back teeth.  I probably didn’t tell Mama because I was afraid I would have to get a shot.  I was terrified of shots!!

 

I guess I must have been about 14 or 15 when my brother, sister, and I got off the school bus and the yard was full of chicken feathers.  Upon entering the house the table had a big  platter of fried chicken on it and the kitchen sink was full of naked and headless chickens!!   Seems like we had lots of chicken in the freezer for a while!!

 

It was also around that time or maybe a year or so later that I came home from school and my cow we had raised on a bottle was missing.  Her name was Flemingtine, in honor of one of my greatest high school teachers, Mr. Fleming.  I asked Mama where she was and she responded that they had sold her and offhandedly made a statement about cows raised on the bottle are never good for anything.  Well, two days later I answered the ringing telephone and it was Mr. Lecroix, the meat processor wanting me to tell Mama and Daddy their cow was ready.  I couldn’t believe they killed my Flemingtine and put her in the freezer.  I refused to eat one bite of my cow! 

 

Pa and Mama Crouch always kept one-hundred dollar bills in the deep freezer for safe keeping.  Now, I don’t remember how many of those bills would be in the freezer, but they were most always there. In 1980 lightening struck the propane tank at the back of Pa and Mama Crouch’s house.  The garage, utility room, and front bedroom were a complete loss.  The remainder of the house was a mess.  The fire was so hot it melted the finish off the kitchen cabinets.  Believe it or not the deep freezer survived even though it was in the middle of the fire and the one-hundred dollar bills were untouched.

 

Mama and Daddy now keep the deep freezer outside in an enclosed porch so it is no longer used as a piece of furniture to sit on.  You can most always count on the fact that it is going to be full of good food. However, I rather miss having it in the middle of the house!  Its funny how something as simple as a deep freezer can evoke so many fond memories of ones childhood. 

 

Friends with Benefits???!! Elviis, Why Didn't You Wait On Me?

Have any of you caught the show Hot In Cleveland, starring Betty White, Valerie Bertinelli, Jane Leeves (english chick from Frazier) and Wendi Malick (from Just Shoot me)?  It's on cable, and no I can't tell you what channel, because my BFF Tam does all the remote driving!!  She has the DVR set to record Hot in Cleveland every time it runs an episode.

It is absolutely hilarious!!  Betty White is the most kick ass and funny actress on TV today, in my opinion!!  She and these other three ladies make a great combination and they are not afraid to talk about anything or do anything on the show!!  I remember one of the earlier segments I watched they had to go down into the basement (they all live in Elka's house --- Betty White's character) because of a tornado or something weather wise.  Elka is down there smoking a joint!!  Also, she has a butt load of art and other stolen items that belonged to her deceased husband, who turns out was a big mobster!! 

Anyway, last nights episode caught my attention because apparently Melanie (Valerie Bertinelli) has started writing a column for Woman's Day Magazine.  Of course, this caught my attention because I AM A WRITER!! lol  I'm sitting in my bed trying to write a blog post and I get all caught up in the show!!  The first thing that grabbed me was Melanie (Valerie Bertinelli) asking Joy  (Jane Leeves) if she thought women could have sex with no strings attached??  Joy responds that it never works with her because she's the one that weird things happen to her like mirrors falling from the ceilings revealing hidden cameras.  Elka (Betty White) responds with If the guy is a cutie you have to tap that bootie.  Turns out Elka's card playing friend Fred is actually her booty call of 20 years or so!!

This subject line really caught my attention because my daughter has been blogging about this very subject.  Of course, she is blogging about it because she just realized her "friend with benefits" stepped out on her and that's not allowed.  My understanding of this type arrangement is: you can be friends with benefits as long as you are only having sex with this one person.  If you grow tired of the situation you have to say so and be really honest and up front about it!!  I guess then the decision can be made to end the arrangement, or make an exception as long as precautions are taken!

 I don't know about all the modern up to date rules about this subject because I haven't had a situation like this in many years!!  Back in the 90's I remember having a friendship with a man like this.  I was between husbands or boyfriends and it just kind of happened.  He was a pilot and one day he called me up and had me meet him at Huntsville Airport and we flew in a 2 seater plane to Hamilton, AL where we swapped out for a 6 seater that belonged to some doctor in Huntsville.  I think we met out at a bar a time or two, but mostly it was just him coming to my place every so often on a Wednesday night when my daughter was with her Dad.   We had great conversations and I really cannot say why it didn't turn into more!! Oh, and we met through mutual friends and it ended up I had worked with his older brother when I was in my early 20's.   He eventually became a pilot for one of the big name airlines and was gone all the time.  Haven't heard from him or about him in many years!!

I'm really curious to know if there are like millions of people having these type friendships or what?   I have many friends that claim they do not want relationships because they are happy with their life without a full time partner, but they would like to have sex.......  I know for a fact you can take care of yourself sexually with all the toys and such available!!  Just ask Tam about her new job!! lol haha   So maybe it's more than just the sexual part that people are seeking.  Maybe they need to feel that one on one closeness that sex gives you!

I, myself, sometimes think I would like to have a nice man to take me out to dinner and a movie.  Maybe even give me a back rub and if they really like me a foot rub!!  I can take care of myself in the sex department better than any man I've ever met (well, okay there was this 1 man.... wow)!  I've gotten myself so into the mind set that I will remain single for the remainder of my life that I can't imagine getting seriously involved with a man again.    I don't need a man for financial reasons, so why else would I need a man??  Now, does that sound like an OLD SOUTH GIRL talking or what?   lol  Other days I think I've lost my mind and what on earth am I going to do...... grow old and die alone???  Never enjoy the companionship of a man again?  I remember back in the day when it was such a wonderful feeling for the man in my life to buy me a present for NO REASON!!  When I was pregnant with my daughter, her Daddy, would scratch my back and my head every single night!!  He even painted my toe nails for me as my belly grew!!  He never wanted me to work and just wanted me to be happy!!  I was a dumb ass, but guess what.... that wonderful man and his beautiful wife of 16 years are two of my best friends in the world!!  My children and I had Thanksgiving dinner at their home last year!!  We have truly made a family with all the ex's and the kids and we truly love each other!!  Most people think we are crazy!!  We think we are smart because we created emotionally healthy children by being this way!!

So, back to me and me alone...... what's wrong with me that I've not dated in 3 years (since my husband died)?  Is it because I've had 5 marriages with 4 divorces and now I'm a widow?   Am I afraid to emotionally put myself out there because I just can't take more heartbreak?  Am I just jaded and cold hearted toward the idea of a relationship?  Do I miss having a man in my life other than my 13 year old son???  Just let me say in answer to that.... there is no better feeling in the world than to have a man that loves you and that you love hold you and hug you tight!! I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about that wonderfully comforting feeling of someone that loves you just hugging you tight and making you feel safe and sound! Unlike most people, the older I get the more it is about closeness and hugs and back rubs and such (notice I didn't mention giving back rubs and such lol)!!  It's just not so much about sex in my mind any more!!  When I really let myself think about it deeply I realize that I do miss having someone that makes me feel safe and protected..... I miss the feeling that I don't have to worry about anything because my big strong man will make it all ok.  I miss knowing that someone loves and cares about me so much that they will put up with my weirdly bizarre eclectic ass!!  I do wonder if this is the Southern Girl in me talking.  

When I was growing up the fairy tales pretty much indicated that a prince on a big beautiful white horse would come and save me and we would live happily ever after!!  Who started telling this bullshit to little girls!!!  Also, all the Elvis movies I watched as a little girl indicated to me that I would meet Elvis on a beach some where and he would love me forever!!  What the heck, he died when I was 17 before I had the chance to meet him!!

On the other hand, I can't imagine having to rearrange my home and my roommates for a man.  I can't imagine having to explain why or how I'm doing something to a man.  I can't imagine having to think about what to cook for dinner everyday because "MY MAN" will be hungry when he gets home!!  I can't imagine a man telling me I can't have 8 dogs in the house, if that's what I want!!

Jeez, I've gotten a little weirdly crazy while writing this blog post!!    I truly would love to get your comments and feedback on this blog post!!  I would like to know how the rest of the South feels about my views on relationships!!  Oh, and don't forget to give your view on Friends with Benefits!!





Thanks to all of you, my great friends!!
Nanette

P.S. I may still be feverish which would explain the ramblings of this particular blog post!!

I Am a Sassy Gal!!

Anyone who knows me will probably agree that I'm quite SASSY!!  I've never thought of myself as sassy, but lately it's been brought to my attention that the "sassy" shoe fits me!!  I don't remember being sassy as a little girl.  I just remember being very shy and always wanting to hang out with my slightly older cousins (they were so cool).   My cousins played instruments in the school band and were majorettes, cheerleaders, and drum majorettes, therefore, I wanted to do the same.  I had a hand-me-down baton from one of my cousins that was way too long for me, but I mastered twirling it and did ultimately, become majorette my Junior year of high school.  I was head majorette my senior year and I also played flute in concert band.  Back in the 70's when I was in school being majorette (cheerleader, football player, etc...)  was a pretty big deal, so,  you would think it would have made me a little sassy!!  Well, it didn't!!  I may have appeared to be sassy, but inside I was screaming and wondering what on earth I was doing parading around in front of hundreds of people in a sequin bathing suit (which is what it amounted to).  I was so afraid someone was going to look at my legs and realize the left one was smaller than the right one!!  That was all I could think about.... well of course, I wanted to NOT drop my baton, but the fear of someone noticing my leg and foot was the main thought in my mind!!  Would you believe from 7th grade through 10th grade I never wore shorts to summer band practice???!!!  I was absolutely terrified of someone looking at my legs and commenting!!  It ruled my life!!  I actually realized I had a problem and I was smart enough to know I needed to get over it.  That was the entire reason I made myself go out for majorette to begin with!!  You couldn't be a majorette and wear long pants all the time!!  I started out a skinny little scared girl that was afraid someone would notice her even skinnier left leg and smaller left foot.....  And I ended up a much more confident young woman.

During my 20s and 30s I guess I was a little on the SASSY side.  I remember my daughter's Dad telling me one time that it was probably a good thing I had the "skinny leg" problem to tone me down a bit!!  He seemed to think I would have been hell on wheels if not for the BIG FLAW with my leg and foot!!  Don't get the wrong idea here..... it wasn't that I was a wild and crazy kind of girl in a negative sort of way..... it was more that I felt like there wasn't anything in life I couldn't do and I wanted to do it all!!  I started my own Property Management business and worked 24/7 for 16 years.  I hardly ever took the time to smell the roses!!  Honestly, if not for my back surgery in Sept. '08 I would probably still be going WIDE OPEN!!

Now that I look back on those days, I feel that I probably missed many things in life including time with my children!!  I never took my children on a fabulous vacation because I was on call 24/7 for 16 years!!  I've never taken my children to Disney..... heck I've barely ever taken them out of town.  You want to talk about regretting your past..... I regret working so much!!

Friends of mine in Pulaski (Terry and Danielle) have just opened a new place called Sassy Gals Cafe.   They are trying to pull this off without getting outside financing, so Tam and I told them just to call if they need help!!  They called last Friday and Tam has been working in their kitchen since last Saturday.   I figured I could go and wait tables during the lunch crowd because, hey, I'm really good at dealing with people and I am definitely a SASSY GAL!!   I showed up Monday and helped out from 10 to 3 and then went home and did just a little house work.   On Monday  I was feeling a little pain and thought if I got enough sleep I would be fine!!   On Tuesday (yesterday) I helped out from 10 to 2 and by the time I got home I was worn out.  I did a few dishes and hung a load of clothes on the clothes line.  By 9:00 last night I wanted to cry, but I felt too tired.   Why did I want to cry?  Because I wasn't feeling very Sassy and I was pissed that my body wasn't keeping up with my mind!! lol   Today I was unable to help out at Sassy Gals Cafe, but I had my friends, Russell and Matt, drive me there to surprise Tam for her birthday.  Oh, yeah, Tam, is 44 years old today!!  Happy Birthday to Tam!!  Anyway, we picked up a couple of balloons and went to Sassy Gals for lunch!!   While there for lunch I started having chills and realized my throat is really sore.... that's great!!  Seriously, that is great because maybe that is why I'm so worn out from a few simple hours of helping friends!!  Maybe the real reason is because I'm sick with strep throat or something and it's not the fact that my body can't handle it!!

I believe I am still a SASSY GAL, even though I couldn't hang with the other sassy gals for more than 2 days.  I refuse to let life or the things she can throw at you beat me!!  I will keep on doing everything I can possibly do myself and I will keep telling myself I AM A SASSY GAL!!

lol

Nanette
The Crows Nest

For those of you wondering why I have a difference in my legs and feet..... I was born with Spina Bifida Occulta and a Tethered Spinal Cord!!  You will have to look the definition up if you want to know the details!!

Country Dwellers!!

If you are a country dweller like me, how many times have you had someone from the city ask why on earth you want to live so far away from everything and everyone?   I've been asked that question numerous times.  Now, let me say when I was 18 I couldn't wait to get the heck out of the country.  I wanted to live in the big city of Huntsville, AL.  I wanted a home with all the modern conveniences that we didn't have in the home I grew up in.  You know things like central heating and cooling and a dishwasher!!  I wanted to live where it's wasn't allowed to hang your clothes out on a line!!  I wanted to be able to use all that electricity to dry clothes and run the dishwasher!!  I spent 20 years living that life until I realized I wanted to be back in the country where I could grow a garden and hang clothes on the line!! 

For the past 12 years I've been back in the country and I can honestly say I have NO DESIRE to live in the city again!!  I love being able to get out of bed in the mornings and walk out onto my front porch in my nightgown and not be worried about being arrested for indecent exposure!!  We cut the grass in daisy dukes and a bikini top and it doesn't seem to offend anyone  (I am 50 years old --- not like a 25 year old strutting her stuff).  Every time we see Mr. Jerry from the water department he honks the horn and yells out hello!! Do you city folks know your water department man?  I bet not!! From time to time when we are sitting on the front porch someone passing by will stop and have a glass of tea with us.  Nine times out of ten we don't know these folks until they stop and introduce themselves and have a glass of tea with us.  Now, how often does that happen in the city???  On a couple of occasions when the lawn mower wouldn't start or I got the big U-Haul stuck in the driveway most everyone passing by stopped to see if they could help!!  It's amazing how the trucks these men drive can pull a 28 foot U-Haul out of the mud where I've gotten it stuck! lol   In the city they wouldn't give two hoots about helping you and would definitely report you to the city if the grass gets a little too tall!!

True story..... this past week dear friends of mine who live in the really nice part of a city bought their 12 year old son a new bicycle so he could ride back and forth to school.  Less than 24 hours later when he is riding home from school the next day, two other boys jumped him (in his own driveway) apparently with the intentions of stealing the new bicycle!!  My friends son suffered a broken arm and contusions on his legs.  Those hoodlums would have probably hurt him even worse and taken his new bicycle if the neighbor across the street had not noticed what was going on.  Apparently, one of those boys had already been expelled from school even though they have only been in session about a week.  I may not have this part of the story 100% correct, but I believe when they called the local police department they were told since it was Juveniles it would have to be handled through an attorney!!  Now, why on earth would you have to spend money on an attorney to get justice for bullies beating up your child and breaking his arm.  Isn't assault a crime?  Doesn't it seem like with witnesses (grown neighbors) that the law should have gone and picked that punk up and thrown him in a cell?  Or at least requested the parents bring the child to the jail for a visit??!!   Oh, then to top it all off the Mother of the boy who was apparently the ring leader calls the Mother of the child who was hurt and starts to rant and rave and call her names!!  My friend simply said something to the effect  of see you in court...... and hung up!!

In the twelve years that I've raised my children out here in the country neither of them have experienced anything of a violent nature from other children.  I hope it remains that way, but if it doesn't I will fully expect the local law enforcement to do their job.  If my son were to ever show violent tendencies toward another child such as what happened to my friends child I would jerk his butt up and take him to the jail myself!  Then he would probably be grounded for the remainder of his teenage years!!

I seriously don't expect violence among the children out here where we live.  I truly believe bringing your children up in the country is the way to go!

I love to hear my readers comments and stories so, feel free to post if you have a story you would like to share!

Nanette
The Crow's Nest

Shannon Mislead Keith???!! Part 5 of ONLINE DATING

 This blog post contains sexual content, so, if you will be offended, please do not read this particular post!!  Thanks
Okay, friends and followers, this is the biggie!!  This is the entire story from Shannon's point of view.  This is straight from the horses mouth!!   This is part 5 in my series about ONLINE DATING




It began, groovy enough, however, it ended with a kind of trauma, that doesn’t just go away.  Let me start at the beginning and clip along to the point.  (Names and places of these events may be changed to protect the innocent.)

I have two words for you, Online Dating.  Two of the most dangerous words in the modern English language today.  Let me explain…

I know this girl, her name is Shannon, and she met this groovy dude from a stoner’s forum.  That’s right, I said stoner.  Shannon is in fact a stoner, which automatically makes this story funny.  Shannon is bored one night and finds a groovy website called High Life, and she meets a guy named Keith over a debate about telepathy.  After a very stimulating debate, Shannon finds she is attracted to  Keith’s mind… and fast forward 3 years….

After being online friends for a couple years Keith and Shannon start flirting and this, of course, leads to the two of them choosing to try to have a Long Distance Dating Relationship.   A little back ground here, Shannon is 13 years older than Keith and has a rule that she never dates younger men!  Ever.  But she (stupidly) breaks this rule for a chance to see if the online chemistry (Keith is good at giving online steam) is as good in person as it is on a computer screen.  Keith lives in Louisiana and Shannon lives in Arkansas.  Things get pretty interesting and finally Keith decides to come visit Shannon for a weekend.  Shannon spends an enormous amount of time earning extra cash for this weekend because she wants to get  a hotel room for the first night, so they can get to know each other without Shannon’s friends/family/roommates watching, and teasing her unmercifully, and yes she planned on banging his brains out too.  Shannon was very excited and counted the days till Keith arrived.  They talked very intensely and sometimes very erotically for  weeks, waiting for this.  Then the big day comes and Shannon goes to the airport to pick him up.  She text her BFF and lets her know that she is at the airport, and text again letting her know she is waiting for the plane to land….. She is of course excited and nervous too….  She stands by a column in front of the gate waiting and then he appears.  She has kept her shades on and was glad, because she knew the surprise in her eyes couldn’t be hidden…..  Shannon doesn’t text her BFF again for some time to come. Keith did not look like any of his pictures. He looked young, and very small, though he was NOT 4 and a half feet tall…..  Turns out the camera lies.  Although…. Shannon thought to herself,  “The camera never lied for her.“  And a faint buzzing started in the back of her head, though she ignored it. But whatever, looks aren’t everything.  Right?  So they say hello a little awkwardly, then headed  to the hotel. 

Folks, things went down hill from there.

So they are at the hotel and they are smoking a little weed and Shannon is surprised that he has so much trouble with the pipe, he even quits after 2 hits and says, “That weed is awful.”  Yeah, sure the weed is the problem, of course, that’s the problem here, she thinks to herself….. But ok, whatever, and they start their hand holding and Shannon runs her hands up his arms and squeezes his upper arms and Keith says, “Oow..”  in a soft little surprised sound.  Apparently she hurt him.  But whatever.  Shannon was still game here and had also been without a sex life, for 18 months, and isn't deterred easily, from what she wants.   So….the night goes on and the two of them get down to the nitty gritty of joyous part of sex and Keith says, I'm going to put a condom on, Shannon says , ‘Do that.’  This is where things start to go, further south.  Keith has a hard time getting the condom on.  No the condom is not too small, at all, he just doesn’t seem to know how to operate a condom.

Shannon starts to offer to do it for him, but stops herself when he, seeing she was about to say something made a negative “don’t” sort of sound.   After he finally gets the thing on, Shannon isn’t really in “burning hot for him” mode, or in this case, “yeah sure, I have nothing better to do” mode, any longer.  But she gives it the old college try anyway, turns out he really didn’t need Shannon there at all, as he couldn’t get his penis in the proper place.  That didn’t slow him down at all, in fact he didn’t seem to notice this at all, which had Shannon biting her tongue, to keep from laughing out loud.

The look on his face, as he went at it like a little Jack rabbit, was comical, to say the least.  Shannon, as a rule, usually doesn’t keep her thoughts to herself, its just not natural for her.  But something about Keith's demeanor just kept her from voicing her thoughts aloud, for fear of hurting him emotionally….I know, strange right? And then he was done, tired….  And Shannon had not participated in the least and Keith had not even noticed.  That warning buzzer in the back of her head got a tiny bit louder……

Let’s go eat dinner.

Shannon, who’s been around the block a few times, possesses a pretty colorful past, is a strong gal and she can handle herself.  While waiting to be seated at a local restaurant, a tipsy fellow that was asked to leave, nearly stumbled right into Keith, so Shannon threw her arm out to catch the man, keeping Keith unharmed as she had a thought that it might truly hurt him.  The tipsy fellow said, thanks man, and continued on his way, out the door and the Hostess actually said to Shannon, “Nice muscle, there.” while giving her a thumbs up.  When Shannon caught the look on Keith's face (surprised) she knew the night was going to be strange, even for her.  His eyes were very wide and he didn’t seem to want to meet Shannon’s eyes and avoided looking at her for, a few moments.  Then it gets interesting.

Once they were seated, ordered and had a very nice meal, good conversation and then it happened.   Now first let me say that Shannon had conflicting feelings about all this.  Let me explain…..

So the waitress lays the check beside Keith and Keith picks it up and divides it out.  He says, you owe 16 dollars for your half.  Shannon is thinking to herself, ‘He isn’t going to buy her a meal?’  But she is a progressive, modern woman, that can pull her own weight, but still, ‘He wants to go Dutch? WTF?’ See? Conflicting feelings.  But ok, she can do this, nothing wrong with paying for herself, etc. Whatever.  Shannon can hear that faint buzzer in the back of her mind that began the moment she got an up close and in person look at Kevin at the airport, getting louder,  only now it has a mechanical voice, whispering, ‘Danger Will Robinson, Danger.’  But Shannon is a trooper if nothing else and she just rolls with it, though she knows her BFF would not like it one little bit….

Let’s fast forward two hours later.  They are naked and working on some nice steamy mattress mamba sex, at least Shannon is trying to.  Remember she still, hasn‘t had her bell rung yet.  She has him turn over and begins to give him a back rub.  She is getting into it and he really seems to like it also.  She slowly drags her hands down his back, edging closer and closer to his ass cheeks….He is making all sorts of ’that feels great’ noises and Shannon slides down his legs where she is straddling him to reach his ass cheeks for the real turn on massaging.

And it happens.  OMG!!  No, No!!

Right there, next to his ass crack is a dark spot about the size of Shannon’s thumb.  She asks herself, ‘Is that a birthmark? A mole, maybe? Please let it be a mole.’  she begs silently.  Of course, she has a hard time hearing herself think because of the screaming inside her head.  “RUN! DON’T LOOK! RUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!“  But she feels trapped by the circumstance of her present, set by her own reckless online fun, of the past few weeks. She can not escape this moment. Yes that’s right, He has a piece of shit on his ass and it’s SHINNY.  Never can Shannon un-see this, never can Shannon contemplate the joys of a hot fudge Sunday again, all is forever tainted by this one moment.

But how does she get past this moment? What should she do? Should she tell him?  But no, can’t tell him, he has already demonstrated that he has issues with being embarrassed. Can’t tell him. So? What? What should she do?

In her panic she chooses the road of least resistance, as her hands jerkily move away from his ass, WAY, away from his ass…She smacks the bed and says with an over bright smile, “Let’s shower!”  Being so submissive, Keith doesn’t question this, he just jumps up and runs to the bathroom and Shannon, steps close to the door and says, “Oh, you go ahead, this bathroom is so small, Ill get one in, after you.” smile frozen in place.

Shannon, in desperate need of lots of drugs and, or alcohol, grabs her cigarettes and steps out the door to smoke.  She briefly considers texting her BFFs for help, but after some deep breathing exercises, thinks she can handle the rest of the night if she just gets stoned enough……  Of course, the thoughts of what her BFFs are going to say isn't pleasant.  I'm thinking.... they tried to warn me..... OMG they are going to say.... I TOLD YOU SO!!!

The next day…

I wont bore you with the argument Shannon had with house keeping, because it really has no baring on this story except to illustrate how on edge Shannon was….Once she realized the house keeper didn’t speak English, taking out her frustrations on him seemed anti-climatic, if you’ll pardon the pun….

Remember folks this is an entire weekend that Shannon has committed to, therefore, when she pulls up to her home the next morning, it’s with Keith in tow.  Her BFFs are not at home at the moment (much to Shannon‘s despair), so she and Keith hang out, mostly it is Shannon trying to find stuff to talk about, or things to show Keith so he would just stop trying to be all lovey, dovey and keep his damn hands to himself.  Shannon mentally sends messages to her two best friends, begging them to hurry up and get home.  Now, y'all have to understand, that Shannon has also realized that Keith is a strange bird (even for her), he has a photographic like memory and is extremely perceptive, though he comes to the incorrect conclusions, about  the reasoning behind her behavior. He has an air of innocents as well, that most men in their 30’s do NOT have.  So she knew she couldn’t tell her friends anything while Keith was still a guest in their home.  He would pick up on it and she really did not want to hurt his feelings…

Finally they return home and Shannon practically runs to the door to let them inside, she grabs bff #1 and hugs her hard, then bff #2 she grabs and hugs, just as hard. Then they get a good look at Keith and both have to turn away and pretend to put stuff they bought up, so that they could regain their composure.  As mentioned before, Keith does NOT look like his pictures.  BFFs are notorious for knowing when something is up with their bff.  These two did not let Shannon down.  They knew something was up.  They each try to make conversation with Keith and when they realized he was not that social they turned to other things, heh.  Shannon decides to cook, because she loves to cook.  After fixing them a meal and serving everyone a pretty tasty stir fry, Keith tells Shannon, “It was alright.”  Shannon is more pissed about this than the trauma she had already survived.  She thinks to herself, ‘Alright?’ Who says that? Even if it tasted like ass, which it did not, he should have said, ‘Awesome meal!’ Am I right? Am I?

During the rest of the day, Shannon watches while her bffs start to get ready for their night out to the local pub.  In walks Shannon's 13 year old nephew and his 10 year old best friend who join them and the conversation turns to the joys of ‘dingle berries’ and the 32 other names the two of them have come up with for shit missed in their shorts.  Of course y'all can imagine the look on Shannon’s face while she laughed so hard that she thought she might pass out.  And remember that no one but she, knows about the trauma she experienced the night before.  Then we make fun of the  words that sound funny that are actually mental disorders (no offense meant to anyone that has mental disorders, but this applies so just wait for it.)  The subject came up from my BFFs just trying to make any kind of a conversation and they started talking about how they studied for a psychology test.  Throughout all of this, Shannon nearly pees in her pants because her laughter is bordering on hysterical, and she has no one to share it with yet.

As her 2 BFFs are walking out the door for their night out, she hugs them again as if they are leaving for good, never to be seen again.  They both look at Shannon with concern and even ask her again if they would like to come along. That voice in Shannon’s head is of course, still screaming ‘Don’t leave me! Please, don’t leave me!!’ But being a trooper she just smiles and says out loud, “No, I think we are going to watch a movie.’  And as she closes the door she takes a deep breath to go back and sit down beside Keith, but before she can even release her breath he says to her, “Baby, come sit with me I want to tell you something.” 

Shannon sits braced for something, though she isn’t sure what exactly, I mean Shannon is ready to hear absolutely anything, and prays briefly that it isn‘t that he likes to dress up in women’s clothes or some other happy shit……He tells her that he has Asburgers (a form of Autism).   Once again, the Fates have surprised Shannon.  She had not even imagined this revelation.  But as she absorbs this, images are popping into her minds eye, things that have happened ever since she picked him up at the airport.  It is starting to all fall into place and make a kind of sense.  He wants Shannon to know he has cured himself, and she gives him a look (apparently) and he rephrases his statement to, “I have been successful at managing my condition.”  So, ok, she says, ‘Hmmp.” What else is there to say?

She also briefly wonders if he is a virgin, which would explain the sex, or lack there of.  Then she wishes for an earthquake to open the ground beneath her and swallow her whole. Jeez, she realizes she may have corrupted this innocent guy.  Has she become the cliche?  Is she now a Cougar? Worse, has she become the stealer of innocents?

It just can't stop..... it just keeps on....

They began to make out again (the why’s of this aren’t important) and she is trying to get into it, she really was, but things keep flashing into her head.  The SHINNY. The ouch. The check.  The obsession with movies and how they imitate life (haven’t mentioned that part yet, but yes he had a real obsession with how our lives were like a movie)The Asbergers.  The lack of resemblance to his pictures. The ENTIRE disaster of the weekend……. and her ‘switch’ gets flipped to off, and will not come back on.  She doesn’t say anything at first (simply tries to figure out a plan of action), but then Keith says something that makes her realize he will know something is wrong and she doesn’t want him to know this just yet.  He says, “I memorized all of your hot spots on your body last night and now they aren’t working the same.”  Memorized her spots? She thinks to herself.  For the love of Pete, can this get any worse?  Really?

Shannon begs for an instant death of any sort  before saying brightly, “Thirsty?”  He asks for a beer  (she figures she is already going to burn for one kind of corruption to an innocent, why not add more to it) and she sure needs one, so she grabs a couple bottles and they sit sipping (actually Shannon pretty much, kills hers) and just talking about nothing.  Shannon remembers she has promised him stars and she figured that would take up a couple hours at the least, so takes him out side to lay under the night sky and look at the stars, in a country sky.

Next day…..

First of all we could not sleep in the camper as planned.  He was obviously weirded out by the camper.... No choice but to take him back into the house to the spare bedroom even though the BFFs expected them to be in the camper!! The night seemed long to Shannon as they slept in the same bed again, but she managed to fake sleep well enough that he finally went to sleep too.  His flight back to his home is early so they get up and get ready before the BFFs are awake....... and Shannon takes him to the airport….but wait, he forgets his boarding pass and they have to come back and get it.  She starts to insist he put gas in her truck (he sure expected her to pay for her own meal), but decided if she can just get him to the airport, all will be ok.  She finally gets him there and gives him a good kiss bye bye, and says, ‘Well, Im gonna go now. Have a good flight…..bye now” and practically flees from the airport. All she wants to do is get home to tell her friends about the events of the weekend that they do not yet know……..over pancakes, of course…..and possibly later consume lots of alcohol.  This is their Sex in the City girl talk #44.….and the laughter continues.



I would like to make sure everyone knows that Keith was a very nice man, a good guy with an air of innocence that Shannon is sure she tarnished, somewhat..  He was simply not the guy for Shannon and she broke things off with him immediately, wished him luck and blah, blah.  He wasn’t very pleased with Shannon, even told her that he felt mislead.  That’s right, he was mislead.

Moral of this story?  Fantasies are fun, but they are not real!  And I guess maybe Shannon learned that she should listen when others are telling her to be careful!!  Shannon has also learned that laughter is the best medicine, so, she hopes that you will all join in and share your stories too.  Then we can all laugh at each other!!






From Nanette
We know more than one person with Autism and love them dearly.  None of us can change the Genetic Disabilities we were born with. However, we can be honest about them especially with someone we think we might want to spend a lifetime with.  This series of blogging is in no way making fun of a disability.  It is however, making fun of ONLINE DATING!!


I love getting your comments and welcome all of you to join in and add your stories in the comment area, if you so wish!!

Thanks,
Nanette
The Crows Nest

Is That a Dingle Berry??? Part 4 of ONLINE DATING

This is part 4 of my series of ONLINE DATING!!!  Since this isn't my usual blogging about simple living in the South, I must warn you this may be R-Rated.  If you will be offended by sexual contend and/or possibly 4 letter words, please do not read this series of post!!

Okay, so I believe I left  you all yesterday at the point where Shannon had sent me a text that she was in the Airport waiting for Keith to arrive.  I  heard nothing further and was a little worried that she might be dead, but, on the other hand she could be having the best sex of her life!!  Goodness knows Keith had worked her into a frenzy during their 5 or 6 weeks of internet fantasy dating!! lol

On Friday night, even though I was concerned that I hadn't heard from Shannon, I knew my fan club would be waiting on me to sing at the local watering hole (The Hide Away).  It was actually a good night at the club.  We had a good crowd, and a bunch of decent singers.  Enola and I did murder a Cher song, but other than that we pretty much rocked.  Enola did Joan Jett's I Love Rock and Roll and absolutely churned the crowd into a frenzy!!  I hit them with a good oldie These Boots Are Made For Walking and the night was up and running!!

As the night went on and I didn't hear from Shannon I became more and more worried.  I finally broke down and sent a text that simply said "update please"!  Her response was simply "groovy".  Well, I knew that meant one of two things, either she was having some really good sex, or the guy was looking over her shoulder and she couldn't elaborate.  Hey, I knew she was still alive and that was the important thing at the moment.  I headed on home to The Crows Nest about 1 in the morning with the thoughts of sleeping till about noon.

Yeah right, I was going to sleep till noon!  Enola woke me up around 9 on Saturday morning insisting we get up and do something!!!   Jeez, I was exhausted and I knew  Shannon had to check out of the motel room by noon.  Enola and I went shopping and the entire time we were discussing Shannon and Keith..... you know, wondering if it was a wonderful continuation of their online romance, or if he was a dud....  We couldn't stop talking about it and wondering.  About noon thirty we decided we needed to head home to see if Shannon and Keith were going to show up.

As we approach the Nest we notice Shannon's vehicle in the driveway and I sort of caught a glance of her and Keith on the front porch.  Enola and I start unloading the SUV and Shannon comes running around the front of the house and hugs us like we haven't seen each other in months.  I'm thinking to myself, wow, she's really happy and wants to share the love with us!!  She starts to help us carry in the packages and I stop her and tell her to go on back to Keith because we can handle it.

Enola and I are in the kitchen and Shannon and Keith walk in!!!  OMG, I take one look at him and have to furiously go back to emptying the shopping bags.  I mean, OMG, I have to compose myself.... OMG!!  I don't dare look Enola or Shannon in the eyes because I knew it would not result in making Keith feel good about himself!!! OMG is running through my mind and I'm trying to mentally talk myself down and tell myself that I am a Southern Belle and I can pull off being nice to anyone on earth!!  I finally feel composed enough to sort of look at him and say "hi, Keith, welcome to the Nest"!!  and I reach to shake his hand.  Now, I'm a hugger and normally I would have hugged someone that my friend is so taken with but, OMG this person looks like a skinny weenie with ears and eyebrows!!!  I kid you not!!  And shaking his hand felt like touching a small dead child's hand, or at least what I would imagine it to feel like!!  You know a cold limp noodle or something of the sort!!!  I honestly, cannot tell you what he said in response or what was even said in the next 10 minutes or so because I was absolutely in shock!!  I can't look at Shannon.... I can't look at Enola!!!  OMG

Enola and I go into the living room and leave Shannon and Keith momentarily in the kitchen.  The looks we are giving each other and mental conversation we were having was something like this.... OMG.... he looks like a skinny d**k with ears and eyebrows..... OMG what is Shannon thinking.... he's so skinny..... he looks no more than 25.... oh, man, how are we going to handle this till he leaves tomorrow????

Shannon and Keith join us in the living room and I try to engage Keith in conversation.  OMG, this man/child can't carry on a conversation.  He keeps reaching over to Shannon and trying to kiss her on the shoulder and  I'm just screaming inside my mind trying to figure out what to do.... how do I talk to this person and not run screaming out of my own house.  My 13 year old son, Jordan, and his little friend comes in and starts telling little funnies about fecal matter.... dingle berries.... noodle poodles.... poop soup...... shart tarts... and about 32 other names for the same  disgusting  topic!!  I notice that Shannon is looking a little green around the gills, but I figured it was just the subject matter... Boy, was I right about that, but not in the way you think!!!..... Aren't you dying to know.... well just keep on reading and remember this is all true... absolutely true lol

Now, remember this is Saturday and of course, we are expected at the Hide Away for Karaoke.  I casually ask Shannon if she and Keith (the man/child) would like to go with us.  As I'm asking her this I am imagining all of us walking into our local watering hole and the looks we are going to be getting!  I'm thinking  our peeps would all try to show southern hospitality to Keith, but would immediately feel the awkwardness and weirdness and move as far away from us as possible!!  As soon as I asked them if they were going, Shannon is looking at me with the oddest look on her face and is telling me they are going to stay at the house and watch an old movie called True Romance.  Inside my head I am screaming and wondering why on earth my SyFy freak friend is suddenly so willing to watch chick flicks and romance movies.  I'm beginning to think there has been a change in this online fantasy now that it's not online.  But, I'm not 100% sure. 

This is what I have to go on so far..... #1 They obviously spent the night together on Friday.... #2 Shannon actually brought him to The Crows Nest.... #3 They have been sitting next to each other on the sofa with the man/child trying to kiss her shoulder.... #4 Shannon turned green when the boys discussed the different names for fecal matter.... #5  Keith is extremely AWKWARD/STRANGE or something (I just can't quite put my finger on it)..... #6  Bootsy, the Pit Bull, who usually is afraid of men went right up to Keith.... #7 Jordan has gotten me off alone and asked if I noticed the WEIRDO in our house.... #8 Shannon and Keith only stayed out in the camper about 5 minutes (I figured they went out there for a little lloovvee and would be a while)...... #9  I feel something in my head like someone is trying to send me a mental message.... something is banging on my brain....

As Enola and I are leaving for our night out Keith is anxiously setting up the movie and is actually talking and telling us all the great actors in the movie.  Surprises me that he is talking so much.  Shannon tells us that Keith actually has to be at the airport by 9:30 the next morning so we will more than likely not see him again.  Darn, this means I have to make nice to him before I leave.... I get up my nerve and walk through the living room one last time and try to look at Keith's ear lobe instead of in the eyes as I say that it was nice to meet him.  He reaches over for my hand to shake and tells me he is sure he will see me again!!  Oh, the limp noodle cold feeling hand again!!  Enola and I can hardly wait to get out of the house!!

Shannon walks us outside and assure us they will be sleeping in the camper when we get home and she will wake us up when she returns from the Airport on Sunday.  About, the camper..... we all decided beforehand that having a virtual stranger stay in the house just wasn't a comfortable feeling, so that's where the camper came into play.  It has a comfy bed and a good air conditioner.

All evening Enola and I are talking about what we have witnessed and we just keep saying the words awkward and weird..... those two words just would not leave our minds!!  We both decide the online fantasy just hasn't panned out for Shannon as planned.  We return home about midnight and I notice there are no lights in the camper, but there are lights on in one of the upstairs bedrooms.  I know that something is going on because Shannon would not have gone against what we had all decided without a really good excuse.  We walk into the kitchen and Shannon is in there getting something to eat and looks a little weird.  She very quickly says "we will be leaving early in the morning and I'll wake you both when I get back" and then she slowly walks up the stairs.  Enola and I each go to our bedrooms scratching our heads and trying to figure this whole thing out.  We are extremely puzzled as to why they are not sleeping in the camper.  Oh, well, we'll find out soon enough tomorrow!!

I grab Brutus, my 13 year old Dachshund, and we head to bed.  I can't go to sleep.  I check beside my bed and make sure my 9mm is where it should be.  I consider going ahead and putting a bullet in the chamber, but decide against it!!!  I worry about Enola upstairs, but knowing that her room is right above mine feel sure that I will hear any kind of disturbance.  I figure Shannon is going to be okay, because let's face it.... she could pick that little skinny dude up and throw him out the window if needed.  Then I begin to think about how if she does do that it's going to ruin the antique glass and will cost me a fortune to buy antique replacement glass and have it cut to fit.  After going over all of this a dozen or so times I finally fall asleep!!

On Sunday morning, I was sleeping so good when Shannon came bursting into the bedroom and said "I'm back from the Airport".  Enola comes down the stairs about that time and Shannon tells us both that we need to come and sit down in the kitchen.  She says she needs to cook pancakes for us while she tells us of the horror of the last 48 hours.....

Stay tuned for the details of Shannon's date with her online fantasy man!!

Nanette

Does My Nose Look Big? Part 3 of Online Dating!!

Dear Readers, this isn't my usual subject matter concerning Life in the South.  This one is headed toward being R rated, so if you will be offended, please, do not read.  I will have one more part on this series which will definitely be R rated!

This is part 3 of my series on ONLINE DATING.  This post is entirely about my friend Shannon and her recent online romance! lol


Now, if you have been following my blog you should remember that I spoke of my dear friend, Shannon, who let herself get  caught up in an online romance!!  Jeez, I've heard stories of people meeting online and actually leaving their spouse of many years for a virtual stranger they have never seen in person.  I do not understand this!!!  What is wrong with me?  Everyone else seems to be okay with the idea of online dating, but I just can't go there!!  Let me tell you, if I can't see them in person and look into their eyes to see if they are for real, then I have no interest in spending hours and hours of my time chatting online!!  Now, a lot of women need to see the man first to see if he passes a series of little tests such as...... Does he know how to dress?...... Does he brush his teeth?  Does he have all his teeth (at least all the front ones)?.....  Does he get regular haircuts?..... Does he smell good (at least clean)?.....  Does he have a home?..... Does he have a car?..... Does he have a job?.....  Does he have enough money to afford to date a woman? 

My friend Shannon met this guy online (if you can call that truly meeting) about 3 years ago on a non dating site.  Apparently, they conversed a little and a couple of times a month would say hello to each other.  With Shannon nearing her mid 40's she had no interest in trying to start something with a 31  year old living 600 miles away.   At least that is the way she felt back  3 or so years ago when they first talked online!   Well, five or six weeks ago something suddenly changed and I cannot say for sure what changed..... however, suddenly Shannon is online 24/7 with no time for friends or family.  She absolutely let everything in her life slip by with her barely noticing anything that was happening around her.  Now, I will say she was walking around with a happy and dreamy sort of look on her face, so, whatever dude was saying to her was working.   I brought it to her attention more than one time that there had to be something wrong with this man.  I kept saying "Why would a 31 year old man ask a 40 something year old woman to put that she is in a relationship on her Face Book?"  Good grief, they had never met in person!!  She kept telling me  this man had a brilliant mind and she enjoyed talking and debating a variety of subjects with him.  I just shook my head!!

Well, the man, Keith, tells Shannon he is making a plane reservation and coming to see her in person during the 1st week of August!!  Shannon is beside herself with delight!!  He keeps sending her poetry and would make suggestions of movies for the two of them to watch at the same time so they could discuss it afterwards!!  Shannon got to where she would stay home on the weekends instead of going out with friends because of her dates with Keith!!  Shannon is not your typical girly girl, but she started getting all giggly and silly while conversing on the internet with Keith.  Another friend, just flat out told Shannon that he did not like her acting all girly girl because that just isn't her.  Shannon became a different person.... she was a happy person.... but not the Shannon we all know and love!!  I mean she couldn't go shopping at WalMart with a friend without spending 95% of the time talking to Keith.  And Keith..... well, he spent what appeared to be an awful amount of time checking out the weather and other stuff where Shannon lives!!  My warning bells were going off so much I thought I would throw up!!  Another friend and I had what was almost an intervention with Shannon 2 or 3 weeks ago and explained to her that she had just disappeared on us and we didn't know who the alien was in her body!!   I began to get physically sick!  I began to get depressed!!  I mean this was taking a toll on me, but ole Shannon was happy and skipping around like a little 12 year old girl!!   Now, I will be the first to admit that after our little "intervention"  Shannon  made a very big effort to be more aware of her friends and college classes.  However, you could see that all she wanted to do was get lost in the fantasy that Keith had created for the two of them.

Me being the person I am, wanted to know where he lived,  where he worked, what he drove, his height, weight and any other pertinent information.  I about busted a gut when I found out he rides a 125cc SCOOTER!!  Yeah, we ride scooters around here too, but we also have vehicles.  You know, for when it rains, or snows, or is really cold, or really hot!!  I'm telling you my warning bells were getting louder and louder!  Seriously, my head was about to explode from the bells!!  At one point I asked what she was going to do if he arrived and was only 4 and a half feet tall...... she went into this big thing about how she could tell from his pictures that he was tall and blah, blah, blah.  He sent her a picture from his cell phone and his fingers looked long..... well whenever I try to take a pic of myself (not that I would ever do such a thing lol) with my cell it always seems distorted and my nose looks really big!!  I don't think I have a big nose.... Do I have a big nose?


I finally give up and accept that this crap is happening whether I like it or not.  I even started trying to convince myself that I was just jealous that she had found such love on the internet!! lol  I was trying to come up with anything to stop the warning bells in my brain!!  I gave Shannon advice on what I thought she should wear when she picked him up at the airport.  I gave her advice on location for a motel room for their first night.  I did anything I could think of to help..... all the while with my brain about to explode!!   I drilled into her head that since she was paying for the room that she was to absolutely let him pay for dinner!!  Hey, I even made sure she had condoms.... oh, yes, I did!!!  That is what friends do when they can't make SHANNON SEE THE LIGHT!!

The big day arrives and Shannon is beside herself with excitement. She has her little backpack packed with a change of clothes and toiletries.  She even takes two of her own pillows so the bed will be real comfy!!  She gets all spiffed up and wears her cute little jeans and black strappy shirt and heads off a few hours early to buy those condoms I kept reminding her of!!  She went and checked into the motel room to make sure it was decent and all good for a night of LLOOVVEE!!  Oh, yes, Keith had worked Shannon up into a sexual frenzy and she was ready!!

She sends me a text letting me know she is headed to the Airport.  Then she sends a text that she is arriving at the airport.  She sends me a text that she is waiting on Keith's plane to arrive..... and then, nothing...... I mean NOTHING.... I HEAR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE FROM HER.  I don't know whether to be worried that this dude has killed her or she's off in a motel room having fabulous sex.  I'm worried, but then again, I'm thinking this guy must be MR. WONDERFUL and she's going to be packing up in a month and moving to his place.... 600 miles away!!

Okay, my fingers are tired of typing!!!  I think I will go take a nap or something and we'll just finish this story tomorrow!!

Nanette

DO I LOOK LIKE I GROW WEED??? PART 2 OF ONLINE DATING

This is part 2 of my segment on ONLINE DATING.  I'm actually building up to have a guest on my site later this week to tell of her true life experience and horror of online dating!!



Here recently my friend, Shannon(names and places have been changed to protect the innocent), got all caught up in the fantasy of online dating.  She apparently met this guy several years ago on a site online and they had been very casual friends.  Somehow,  she let this casual friendship turn into something that consumed her life for about 5 weeks.  During this 5 week period she basically disappeared emotionally from her life and was wrapped up in this mystery man from Louisiana!!  I mean she was so wrapped up that she let everything else in life slip by the wayside..... school.... friends..... family..... responsiblilty.... and everything else that makes up our lives!!  I personally had a bad feeling about this guy and kept pointing out the obvious to her, but no, she knew what she was doing.  She told me she was a pro at online dating!!   Just wait until you read her story this week!!

Now, as I clearly pointed out yesterday I think online dating is STUPID and possibly dangerous!!  A number of years ago I had an older gentleman that saw my pic on Singlesnet and he started emailing me and catching me on Chat.  He told me he was in the MOVIE business and told all these great stories about all the big name hollywood actors and actresses we all  have heard of and seen in the movies. My naive ass just thought it was so cool that he knew all these people and I guess I believed everything he told me! This went on for a couple of years!!  I became so comfortable in my friendship with this man that we actually swapped cell phone numbers and we would talk on the phone about once a week!!  One evening  he happened to call as I was arriving home late at night.  I didn't realize I was going to be so late, so there was no exterior lights on and it had rained so much I was ankle deep in water!!  I finally felt my way to the front door with my key in hand and discovered it was unlocked.  Now, I knew I had not left my door unlocked, but my thoughts were on all my dogs that I knew desperately needed to go out to potty.  I flip the porch light on and let the dogs out when I realize the screen has been ripped out of the front window and the window is partially open.  I tell my friend in Hollywood that I will have to call him back in a bit because it appears my house has been broken into.  Instead of calling 911 I grab my pistol and start going through the dark house.  My bedroom light was on as was my bathroom light.  My jewelry cabinet drawers and doors were open, my nightstand drawers were gone through,  but nothing seemed to be missing!!  Well, the "friend" in Hollywood keeps calling and telling me I need to call 911 and will not leave me alone until I do so.  He instructs me to call 911 and then call him back and stay on the line until the Deputy arrives. 

To make a long story short.... the Deputy shows up and you can tell right off the bat that he's pissed over coming down my long and bumpy driveway and then having to walk in ankle deep water to get to my front porch.  He wants to know what is missing and I tell him nothing that I can tell so far.  I show him the ripped out screen and think that he's going to want to check for fingerprints or something.  He just simply looks at me and asks if I take any type of medication......  Well, I'm wondering if he thinks I'm crazy or if he thinks they were looking for drugs in my house!!!  I go into the big spill about my back surgery and tell him the medications I take.  He tells me that it was probably someone who knows I take medication and that's what they were looking for!!  I'm thinking what a great help this idiot has been!   As he is walking back to his car he stops and shines a flashlight on a big flower pot by my gate.  He actually asks me what I'm growing in the pot.  I told him I was hoping it was Marigolds coming back from last year.  He looks at me and asks "Are  you sure it's not weed?" First of all, I don't look like a person who smokes weed....  and if I did  what kind of an idiot would I be to have called the law to my house if I was growing weed right by the gate leading to my front door???  That idiot actually reached down and broke a piece off and sniffed it!!  It's running through my mind that I should just shoot him because he's an idiot and can't possibly be an asset as a law enforcement officer!!!  He just sniffed and said "well, maybe it is flowers, but it looks a lot like weed"!  At this point I'm pretty pissy and I tell him if I was the kind of person that would grow weed I sure as hell wouldn't grow it where anyone could see it!!!

Okay, so I call my friend back in "HOLLYWOOD" and he tells me he has kept something from me.... he claims he is really with the CIA and the Hollywood thing is a cover!!! lol  He assures me he will have special agents driving by my home for the next month or so to make sure I am okay!!

The next day I change my phone number and blocked that weirdo from my facebook and everything else!!  Oh, and I went and bought a good supply of ammo for my pistol!!  A girl just can't be too careful!!  I can honestly say I have not talked to one man from a dating site since!!

Nanette

Seriously? ONLINE DATING!!

This is part 1 of a series I am writing on ONLINE DATING.  I cannot tell you how many parts there will be. However, I feel strongly about this subject if that gives you a clue!!

                Taking applications for potential dates at The Hide Away in Elkton, TN!! lol




Have you ever lost someone you love to an online romance?  They spend 24/7 either online talking with the other person on chat or on the cell phone texting or talking!!  They don't want to go anywhere with you on the weekend or even during the week if it's night time because that is when they have their "online dates".  All they can talk about is Timmy/Jimmy/hemi or whatever his name is and what he said and what he is doing and what he likes, blah, blah, blah.  They have dates by watching the same movie on a designated night so, they can discuss it!!  They post on each others Facebook page that they ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!  They live hundreds of miles from each other and revolve their lives around each other without having ever met in person!!!  OMG, am I the only person who thinks this is crazy????!!!!! 

Just for fun I've gotten on Singlesnet and looked around.  Honestly, the forums on that sight are the most interesting thing about it.  I am a polite person (or at least I used to be) and if they email me on the site I will respond( or at least I used to lol).  In years past, out of boredom I even chatted with a few men when they caught me on Yahoo, but I never had any intentions of going out on a date with them.   I remember a number of years ago there were 2 or 3 men that I would chat with online. It took my dumb ass a while to figure out I could block others from knowing when I was online!! lol   Anyway, they all lived quite a distance from me, so I guess I got comfortable talking about what I was doing in my life and this, that, and the other!!  I happened to have a booth at the Fiddler's Convention (in Athens, AL) that year and I guess I had used that as my excuse as to why I wouldn't be online or available to chat for a couple of weeks.  Bottom line.... I had run my big old mouth a little too much!!  Low and behold two different men showed up at the Fiddlers Convention and found me!!!  They looked nothing like their pictures..... one of them had teeth missing..... the other one was probably 5 feet tall!!  I was horrified to say the least, but being a nice person I tried to carry on conversations with them while potential customers were walking into my booth.  I know those potential customers were wondering who on earth the GOONS were and didn't want to buy from me because I associated with such creatures!!!  OMG, it was terrible and they wouldn't go away!!!  Both of them stayed till the end and helped me load my truck. I was so desperate to get away from them that I nearly left all my merchandise and  display racks.  I even considered just leaving my truck and hitch hiking back to Tennessee so they would be left waiting for me to get in my truck (and potentially follow me home) !  By the time I reached my home in Tennessee my head felt as if it was going to explode!!!

I learned more than one lesson from that experience.   #1 You do not have to respond just because they send you a message!  #2 You do not have to be nice to EVERYONE (because some of them are sticky boogers and will not go away)!  #3 If you do chat online never, and i mean NEVER, tell them what you are really doing in your own life!!!  #4 If they still somehow track you down like a coon dog, never admit your name..... just pretend they have confused you with someone who obviously looks like you!!  #5  If they are persistent and keep insisting it is you, then  just start running and screaming through the crowd until you are arrested for disturbing the peace!!   #6 Stay the hell away from online dating sites!!!

In my opinion dating sites are mostly for losers who have serious problems, whether physical or mental. I know there are some people who are stuck at home and it makes for entertainment.   I know good and well if I wanted to start dating again all I have to do is go out in public..... you know... go to the mall..... go to a nice restaurant with a friend.....go hang around the bank.... pretend you want to buy a house and go where the best looking realtors work (Jay Butler @ Butler Realty in Ardmore).  Jeez, I can prance through WalMart and meet men if I want to!!!  Hey, and bars can be a very good place to meet potential men for dating.  Let's face it if they are stupid drunk no matter how good looking YOU DON'T WANT THEM!!!  If they are in the process of a "DIVORCE" you don't want them!!  If they have no money to buy drinks, you don't want them!  If they are flirting with every women in the building then you don't want them!!  Oh,  and Home Depot and Lowes are wonderful places to meet men!!!  Pick out one you think you like and then walk by him looking very confused and ask if he knows where the commode repair kits are.  By asking this you will get his complete attention which in turn will give you a few minutes or more to really check him out!! 

blonde Southern Belle and maybe I have the wrong idea about this whole thing with Online Dating, so please bear with me!!

Nanette

Why Can't i Wear Two Different Shoes????

 With my busy weekend of Karaoke with Butch Menefee I asked Tami to write a little guest blog for me this weekend.  Tami is my BFF that I met in Tennessee back in 2003.  Tami is one of the craziest and big hearted people you could ever have the pleasure of calling your BFF.  The following is a little story written by Tam Hyatt!!


I think most everyone that reads Nanette Crows blog, has known her for years and years.  I met her in 2003 and she simply decided we would be best friends.  I really had no choice in the matter, because once Nanette makes her mind up, that's it.  The young woman you all knew and the woman I have come to know, seem to be two different people.  She is my partner in crime and vise verse,  if one is laughing then the other is probably doing something outrageous.  I like to think that I have been a bad influence on my girl Nanette, you know, because I'm such a bad ass, lol.  Fact is, the woman I have come to know, instigates crazy shit just as often as I do.  There has been no obstacle we have encountered that has beaten us.  And I doubt very much that we will ever encounter one that can. 
Enola, Nanette's daughter, has a habit of scolding Nanette when she does too much or becomes too fearless.  Now, you must understand, Enola is a tad bit scary, has eyes that can cut and slash, with a glance, freeze the soul and makes one want to hide..  One day I will tell yall about the time she stalked me in the Memphis airport (while she was still at her home), completely creeped, me out.  But I digress..Back to the point.

Once Nanette decided we were going to be friends, we quickly became best friends.  Ive never met a woman I admire as much, except for her daughter Enola.  And we laugh together, man how we laugh.  I think I will tell you all about the time that I ended up with only 1 shoe from 2 different pairs of shoes, a right and a left.  Enola and I worked together one summer maintaining a set of rental units when Nanette was still in property management.  This was a good long drive from where we lived, but we enjoyed the drive. I had a habit of driving with my left foot stuck out the window and the music blasting while Enola sang (and quite well might I add) along.  One day, my shoe flew off and I couldn't find it, so I had one right shoe from my favorite ones.  The very next day, while wearing another pair of shoes, very similar to the one I lost, it was Enolas turn to drive.  So, yes, I stuck my right foot out the window and sang along with the radio too.  Can yall believe the right show flew off my foot too? Well it did, and Enola refused to go back and let me find it.  The next day I show up for work with 2 different shoes on.  I didn't think anything of it, but Nanette and Enola (after laughing at me for a few) insisted I looked ridiculous. But I liked these shoes and I wore them, for nearly 2 weeks before they tricked me into going shopping with them to force me into buying new shoes. Have I mentioned that I'm not a big fan of shopping?  After giving in and getting new shoes, they then did the unspeakable.  They threw my old shoes away, explaining to me that they had to for my own sake, that they loved me and could not allow me to walk around looking like a homeless person, (no offense to the homeless).  But I put my foot down on the new shoes though, I bought a nice pair of canvas 'faux' Converse.
I could continue with many more stories of the Crow clan, here at the Crow's Nest, but I think Ill save them for later.....