This is part 4 of my series of ONLINE DATING!!! Since this isn't my usual blogging about simple living in the South, I must warn you this may be R-Rated. If you will be offended by sexual contend and/or possibly 4 letter words, please do not read this series of post!!
Okay, so I believe I left you all yesterday at the point where Shannon had sent me a text that she was in the Airport waiting for Keith to arrive. I heard nothing further and was a little worried that she might be dead, but, on the other hand she could be having the best sex of her life!! Goodness knows Keith had worked her into a frenzy during their 5 or 6 weeks of internet fantasy dating!! lol
On Friday night, even though I was concerned that I hadn't heard from Shannon, I knew my fan club would be waiting on me to sing at the local watering hole (The Hide Away). It was actually a good night at the club. We had a good crowd, and a bunch of decent singers. Enola and I did murder a Cher song, but other than that we pretty much rocked. Enola did Joan Jett's I Love Rock and Roll and absolutely churned the crowd into a frenzy!! I hit them with a good oldie These Boots Are Made For Walking and the night was up and running!!
As the night went on and I didn't hear from Shannon I became more and more worried. I finally broke down and sent a text that simply said "update please"! Her response was simply "groovy". Well, I knew that meant one of two things, either she was having some really good sex, or the guy was looking over her shoulder and she couldn't elaborate. Hey, I knew she was still alive and that was the important thing at the moment. I headed on home to The Crows Nest about 1 in the morning with the thoughts of sleeping till about noon.
Yeah right, I was going to sleep till noon! Enola woke me up around 9 on Saturday morning insisting we get up and do something!!! Jeez, I was exhausted and I knew Shannon had to check out of the motel room by noon. Enola and I went shopping and the entire time we were discussing Shannon and Keith..... you know, wondering if it was a wonderful continuation of their online romance, or if he was a dud.... We couldn't stop talking about it and wondering. About noon thirty we decided we needed to head home to see if Shannon and Keith were going to show up.
As we approach the Nest we notice Shannon's vehicle in the driveway and I sort of caught a glance of her and Keith on the front porch. Enola and I start unloading the SUV and Shannon comes running around the front of the house and hugs us like we haven't seen each other in months. I'm thinking to myself, wow, she's really happy and wants to share the love with us!! She starts to help us carry in the packages and I stop her and tell her to go on back to Keith because we can handle it.
Enola and I are in the kitchen and Shannon and Keith walk in!!! OMG, I take one look at him and have to furiously go back to emptying the shopping bags. I mean, OMG, I have to compose myself.... OMG!! I don't dare look Enola or Shannon in the eyes because I knew it would not result in making Keith feel good about himself!!! OMG is running through my mind and I'm trying to mentally talk myself down and tell myself that I am a Southern Belle and I can pull off being nice to anyone on earth!! I finally feel composed enough to sort of look at him and say "hi, Keith, welcome to the Nest"!! and I reach to shake his hand. Now, I'm a hugger and normally I would have hugged someone that my friend is so taken with but, OMG this person looks like a skinny weenie with ears and eyebrows!!! I kid you not!! And shaking his hand felt like touching a small dead child's hand, or at least what I would imagine it to feel like!! You know a cold limp noodle or something of the sort!!! I honestly, cannot tell you what he said in response or what was even said in the next 10 minutes or so because I was absolutely in shock!! I can't look at Shannon.... I can't look at Enola!!! OMG
Enola and I go into the living room and leave Shannon and Keith momentarily in the kitchen. The looks we are giving each other and mental conversation we were having was something like this.... OMG.... he looks like a skinny d**k with ears and eyebrows..... OMG what is Shannon thinking.... he's so skinny..... he looks no more than 25.... oh, man, how are we going to handle this till he leaves tomorrow????
Shannon and Keith join us in the living room and I try to engage Keith in conversation. OMG, this man/child can't carry on a conversation. He keeps reaching over to Shannon and trying to kiss her on the shoulder and I'm just screaming inside my mind trying to figure out what to do.... how do I talk to this person and not run screaming out of my own house. My 13 year old son, Jordan, and his little friend comes in and starts telling little funnies about fecal matter.... dingle berries.... noodle poodles.... poop soup...... shart tarts... and about 32 other names for the same disgusting topic!! I notice that Shannon is looking a little green around the gills, but I figured it was just the subject matter... Boy, was I right about that, but not in the way you think!!!..... Aren't you dying to know.... well just keep on reading and remember this is all true... absolutely true lol
Now, remember this is Saturday and of course, we are expected at the Hide Away for Karaoke. I casually ask Shannon if she and Keith (the man/child) would like to go with us. As I'm asking her this I am imagining all of us walking into our local watering hole and the looks we are going to be getting! I'm thinking our peeps would all try to show southern hospitality to Keith, but would immediately feel the awkwardness and weirdness and move as far away from us as possible!! As soon as I asked them if they were going, Shannon is looking at me with the oddest look on her face and is telling me they are going to stay at the house and watch an old movie called True Romance. Inside my head I am screaming and wondering why on earth my SyFy freak friend is suddenly so willing to watch chick flicks and romance movies. I'm beginning to think there has been a change in this online fantasy now that it's not online. But, I'm not 100% sure.
This is what I have to go on so far..... #1 They obviously spent the night together on Friday.... #2 Shannon actually brought him to The Crows Nest.... #3 They have been sitting next to each other on the sofa with the man/child trying to kiss her shoulder.... #4 Shannon turned green when the boys discussed the different names for fecal matter.... #5 Keith is extremely AWKWARD/STRANGE or something (I just can't quite put my finger on it)..... #6 Bootsy, the Pit Bull, who usually is afraid of men went right up to Keith.... #7 Jordan has gotten me off alone and asked if I noticed the WEIRDO in our house.... #8 Shannon and Keith only stayed out in the camper about 5 minutes (I figured they went out there for a little lloovvee and would be a while)...... #9 I feel something in my head like someone is trying to send me a mental message.... something is banging on my brain....
As Enola and I are leaving for our night out Keith is anxiously setting up the movie and is actually talking and telling us all the great actors in the movie. Surprises me that he is talking so much. Shannon tells us that Keith actually has to be at the airport by 9:30 the next morning so we will more than likely not see him again. Darn, this means I have to make nice to him before I leave.... I get up my nerve and walk through the living room one last time and try to look at Keith's ear lobe instead of in the eyes as I say that it was nice to meet him. He reaches over for my hand to shake and tells me he is sure he will see me again!! Oh, the limp noodle cold feeling hand again!! Enola and I can hardly wait to get out of the house!!
Shannon walks us outside and assure us they will be sleeping in the camper when we get home and she will wake us up when she returns from the Airport on Sunday. About, the camper..... we all decided beforehand that having a virtual stranger stay in the house just wasn't a comfortable feeling, so that's where the camper came into play. It has a comfy bed and a good air conditioner.
All evening Enola and I are talking about what we have witnessed and we just keep saying the words awkward and weird..... those two words just would not leave our minds!! We both decide the online fantasy just hasn't panned out for Shannon as planned. We return home about midnight and I notice there are no lights in the camper, but there are lights on in one of the upstairs bedrooms. I know that something is going on because Shannon would not have gone against what we had all decided without a really good excuse. We walk into the kitchen and Shannon is in there getting something to eat and looks a little weird. She very quickly says "we will be leaving early in the morning and I'll wake you both when I get back" and then she slowly walks up the stairs. Enola and I each go to our bedrooms scratching our heads and trying to figure this whole thing out. We are extremely puzzled as to why they are not sleeping in the camper. Oh, well, we'll find out soon enough tomorrow!!
I grab Brutus, my 13 year old Dachshund, and we head to bed. I can't go to sleep. I check beside my bed and make sure my 9mm is where it should be. I consider going ahead and putting a bullet in the chamber, but decide against it!!! I worry about Enola upstairs, but knowing that her room is right above mine feel sure that I will hear any kind of disturbance. I figure Shannon is going to be okay, because let's face it.... she could pick that little skinny dude up and throw him out the window if needed. Then I begin to think about how if she does do that it's going to ruin the antique glass and will cost me a fortune to buy antique replacement glass and have it cut to fit. After going over all of this a dozen or so times I finally fall asleep!!
On Sunday morning, I was sleeping so good when Shannon came bursting into the bedroom and said "I'm back from the Airport". Enola comes down the stairs about that time and Shannon tells us both that we need to come and sit down in the kitchen. She says she needs to cook pancakes for us while she tells us of the horror of the last 48 hours.....
Stay tuned for the details of Shannon's date with her online fantasy man!!
Nanette
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Does My Nose Look Big? Part 3 of Online Dating!!
Dear Readers, this isn't my usual subject matter concerning Life in the South. This one is headed toward being R rated, so if you will be offended, please, do not read. I will have one more part on this series which will definitely be R rated!
This is part 3 of my series on ONLINE DATING. This post is entirely about my friend Shannon and her recent online romance! lol
Now, if you have been following my blog you should remember that I spoke of my dear friend, Shannon, who let herself get caught up in an online romance!! Jeez, I've heard stories of people meeting online and actually leaving their spouse of many years for a virtual stranger they have never seen in person. I do not understand this!!! What is wrong with me? Everyone else seems to be okay with the idea of online dating, but I just can't go there!! Let me tell you, if I can't see them in person and look into their eyes to see if they are for real, then I have no interest in spending hours and hours of my time chatting online!! Now, a lot of women need to see the man first to see if he passes a series of little tests such as...... Does he know how to dress?...... Does he brush his teeth? Does he have all his teeth (at least all the front ones)?..... Does he get regular haircuts?..... Does he smell good (at least clean)?..... Does he have a home?..... Does he have a car?..... Does he have a job?..... Does he have enough money to afford to date a woman?
My friend Shannon met this guy online (if you can call that truly meeting) about 3 years ago on a non dating site. Apparently, they conversed a little and a couple of times a month would say hello to each other. With Shannon nearing her mid 40's she had no interest in trying to start something with a 31 year old living 600 miles away. At least that is the way she felt back 3 or so years ago when they first talked online! Well, five or six weeks ago something suddenly changed and I cannot say for sure what changed..... however, suddenly Shannon is online 24/7 with no time for friends or family. She absolutely let everything in her life slip by with her barely noticing anything that was happening around her. Now, I will say she was walking around with a happy and dreamy sort of look on her face, so, whatever dude was saying to her was working. I brought it to her attention more than one time that there had to be something wrong with this man. I kept saying "Why would a 31 year old man ask a 40 something year old woman to put that she is in a relationship on her Face Book?" Good grief, they had never met in person!! She kept telling me this man had a brilliant mind and she enjoyed talking and debating a variety of subjects with him. I just shook my head!!
Well, the man, Keith, tells Shannon he is making a plane reservation and coming to see her in person during the 1st week of August!! Shannon is beside herself with delight!! He keeps sending her poetry and would make suggestions of movies for the two of them to watch at the same time so they could discuss it afterwards!! Shannon got to where she would stay home on the weekends instead of going out with friends because of her dates with Keith!! Shannon is not your typical girly girl, but she started getting all giggly and silly while conversing on the internet with Keith. Another friend, just flat out told Shannon that he did not like her acting all girly girl because that just isn't her. Shannon became a different person.... she was a happy person.... but not the Shannon we all know and love!! I mean she couldn't go shopping at WalMart with a friend without spending 95% of the time talking to Keith. And Keith..... well, he spent what appeared to be an awful amount of time checking out the weather and other stuff where Shannon lives!! My warning bells were going off so much I thought I would throw up!! Another friend and I had what was almost an intervention with Shannon 2 or 3 weeks ago and explained to her that she had just disappeared on us and we didn't know who the alien was in her body!! I began to get physically sick! I began to get depressed!! I mean this was taking a toll on me, but ole Shannon was happy and skipping around like a little 12 year old girl!! Now, I will be the first to admit that after our little "intervention" Shannon made a very big effort to be more aware of her friends and college classes. However, you could see that all she wanted to do was get lost in the fantasy that Keith had created for the two of them.
Me being the person I am, wanted to know where he lived, where he worked, what he drove, his height, weight and any other pertinent information. I about busted a gut when I found out he rides a 125cc SCOOTER!! Yeah, we ride scooters around here too, but we also have vehicles. You know, for when it rains, or snows, or is really cold, or really hot!! I'm telling you my warning bells were getting louder and louder! Seriously, my head was about to explode from the bells!! At one point I asked what she was going to do if he arrived and was only 4 and a half feet tall...... she went into this big thing about how she could tell from his pictures that he was tall and blah, blah, blah. He sent her a picture from his cell phone and his fingers looked long..... well whenever I try to take a pic of myself (not that I would ever do such a thing lol) with my cell it always seems distorted and my nose looks really big!! I don't think I have a big nose.... Do I have a big nose?
I finally give up and accept that this crap is happening whether I like it or not. I even started trying to convince myself that I was just jealous that she had found such love on the internet!! lol I was trying to come up with anything to stop the warning bells in my brain!! I gave Shannon advice on what I thought she should wear when she picked him up at the airport. I gave her advice on location for a motel room for their first night. I did anything I could think of to help..... all the while with my brain about to explode!! I drilled into her head that since she was paying for the room that she was to absolutely let him pay for dinner!! Hey, I even made sure she had condoms.... oh, yes, I did!!! That is what friends do when they can't make SHANNON SEE THE LIGHT!!
The big day arrives and Shannon is beside herself with excitement. She has her little backpack packed with a change of clothes and toiletries. She even takes two of her own pillows so the bed will be real comfy!! She gets all spiffed up and wears her cute little jeans and black strappy shirt and heads off a few hours early to buy those condoms I kept reminding her of!! She went and checked into the motel room to make sure it was decent and all good for a night of LLOOVVEE!! Oh, yes, Keith had worked Shannon up into a sexual frenzy and she was ready!!
She sends me a text letting me know she is headed to the Airport. Then she sends a text that she is arriving at the airport. She sends me a text that she is waiting on Keith's plane to arrive..... and then, nothing...... I mean NOTHING.... I HEAR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE FROM HER. I don't know whether to be worried that this dude has killed her or she's off in a motel room having fabulous sex. I'm worried, but then again, I'm thinking this guy must be MR. WONDERFUL and she's going to be packing up in a month and moving to his place.... 600 miles away!!
Okay, my fingers are tired of typing!!! I think I will go take a nap or something and we'll just finish this story tomorrow!!
Nanette
This is part 3 of my series on ONLINE DATING. This post is entirely about my friend Shannon and her recent online romance! lol
Now, if you have been following my blog you should remember that I spoke of my dear friend, Shannon, who let herself get caught up in an online romance!! Jeez, I've heard stories of people meeting online and actually leaving their spouse of many years for a virtual stranger they have never seen in person. I do not understand this!!! What is wrong with me? Everyone else seems to be okay with the idea of online dating, but I just can't go there!! Let me tell you, if I can't see them in person and look into their eyes to see if they are for real, then I have no interest in spending hours and hours of my time chatting online!! Now, a lot of women need to see the man first to see if he passes a series of little tests such as...... Does he know how to dress?...... Does he brush his teeth? Does he have all his teeth (at least all the front ones)?..... Does he get regular haircuts?..... Does he smell good (at least clean)?..... Does he have a home?..... Does he have a car?..... Does he have a job?..... Does he have enough money to afford to date a woman?
My friend Shannon met this guy online (if you can call that truly meeting) about 3 years ago on a non dating site. Apparently, they conversed a little and a couple of times a month would say hello to each other. With Shannon nearing her mid 40's she had no interest in trying to start something with a 31 year old living 600 miles away. At least that is the way she felt back 3 or so years ago when they first talked online! Well, five or six weeks ago something suddenly changed and I cannot say for sure what changed..... however, suddenly Shannon is online 24/7 with no time for friends or family. She absolutely let everything in her life slip by with her barely noticing anything that was happening around her. Now, I will say she was walking around with a happy and dreamy sort of look on her face, so, whatever dude was saying to her was working. I brought it to her attention more than one time that there had to be something wrong with this man. I kept saying "Why would a 31 year old man ask a 40 something year old woman to put that she is in a relationship on her Face Book?" Good grief, they had never met in person!! She kept telling me this man had a brilliant mind and she enjoyed talking and debating a variety of subjects with him. I just shook my head!!
Well, the man, Keith, tells Shannon he is making a plane reservation and coming to see her in person during the 1st week of August!! Shannon is beside herself with delight!! He keeps sending her poetry and would make suggestions of movies for the two of them to watch at the same time so they could discuss it afterwards!! Shannon got to where she would stay home on the weekends instead of going out with friends because of her dates with Keith!! Shannon is not your typical girly girl, but she started getting all giggly and silly while conversing on the internet with Keith. Another friend, just flat out told Shannon that he did not like her acting all girly girl because that just isn't her. Shannon became a different person.... she was a happy person.... but not the Shannon we all know and love!! I mean she couldn't go shopping at WalMart with a friend without spending 95% of the time talking to Keith. And Keith..... well, he spent what appeared to be an awful amount of time checking out the weather and other stuff where Shannon lives!! My warning bells were going off so much I thought I would throw up!! Another friend and I had what was almost an intervention with Shannon 2 or 3 weeks ago and explained to her that she had just disappeared on us and we didn't know who the alien was in her body!! I began to get physically sick! I began to get depressed!! I mean this was taking a toll on me, but ole Shannon was happy and skipping around like a little 12 year old girl!! Now, I will be the first to admit that after our little "intervention" Shannon made a very big effort to be more aware of her friends and college classes. However, you could see that all she wanted to do was get lost in the fantasy that Keith had created for the two of them.
Me being the person I am, wanted to know where he lived, where he worked, what he drove, his height, weight and any other pertinent information. I about busted a gut when I found out he rides a 125cc SCOOTER!! Yeah, we ride scooters around here too, but we also have vehicles. You know, for when it rains, or snows, or is really cold, or really hot!! I'm telling you my warning bells were getting louder and louder! Seriously, my head was about to explode from the bells!! At one point I asked what she was going to do if he arrived and was only 4 and a half feet tall...... she went into this big thing about how she could tell from his pictures that he was tall and blah, blah, blah. He sent her a picture from his cell phone and his fingers looked long..... well whenever I try to take a pic of myself (not that I would ever do such a thing lol) with my cell it always seems distorted and my nose looks really big!! I don't think I have a big nose.... Do I have a big nose?
I finally give up and accept that this crap is happening whether I like it or not. I even started trying to convince myself that I was just jealous that she had found such love on the internet!! lol I was trying to come up with anything to stop the warning bells in my brain!! I gave Shannon advice on what I thought she should wear when she picked him up at the airport. I gave her advice on location for a motel room for their first night. I did anything I could think of to help..... all the while with my brain about to explode!! I drilled into her head that since she was paying for the room that she was to absolutely let him pay for dinner!! Hey, I even made sure she had condoms.... oh, yes, I did!!! That is what friends do when they can't make SHANNON SEE THE LIGHT!!
The big day arrives and Shannon is beside herself with excitement. She has her little backpack packed with a change of clothes and toiletries. She even takes two of her own pillows so the bed will be real comfy!! She gets all spiffed up and wears her cute little jeans and black strappy shirt and heads off a few hours early to buy those condoms I kept reminding her of!! She went and checked into the motel room to make sure it was decent and all good for a night of LLOOVVEE!! Oh, yes, Keith had worked Shannon up into a sexual frenzy and she was ready!!
She sends me a text letting me know she is headed to the Airport. Then she sends a text that she is arriving at the airport. She sends me a text that she is waiting on Keith's plane to arrive..... and then, nothing...... I mean NOTHING.... I HEAR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE FROM HER. I don't know whether to be worried that this dude has killed her or she's off in a motel room having fabulous sex. I'm worried, but then again, I'm thinking this guy must be MR. WONDERFUL and she's going to be packing up in a month and moving to his place.... 600 miles away!!
Okay, my fingers are tired of typing!!! I think I will go take a nap or something and we'll just finish this story tomorrow!!
Nanette
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
DO I LOOK LIKE I GROW WEED??? PART 2 OF ONLINE DATING
This is part 2 of my segment on ONLINE DATING. I'm actually building up to have a guest on my site later this week to tell of her true life experience and horror of online dating!!
Here recently my friend, Shannon(names and places have been changed to protect the innocent), got all caught up in the fantasy of online dating. She apparently met this guy several years ago on a site online and they had been very casual friends. Somehow, she let this casual friendship turn into something that consumed her life for about 5 weeks. During this 5 week period she basically disappeared emotionally from her life and was wrapped up in this mystery man from Louisiana!! I mean she was so wrapped up that she let everything else in life slip by the wayside..... school.... friends..... family..... responsiblilty.... and everything else that makes up our lives!! I personally had a bad feeling about this guy and kept pointing out the obvious to her, but no, she knew what she was doing. She told me she was a pro at online dating!! Just wait until you read her story this week!!
Now, as I clearly pointed out yesterday I think online dating is STUPID and possibly dangerous!! A number of years ago I had an older gentleman that saw my pic on Singlesnet and he started emailing me and catching me on Chat. He told me he was in the MOVIE business and told all these great stories about all the big name hollywood actors and actresses we all have heard of and seen in the movies. My naive ass just thought it was so cool that he knew all these people and I guess I believed everything he told me! This went on for a couple of years!! I became so comfortable in my friendship with this man that we actually swapped cell phone numbers and we would talk on the phone about once a week!! One evening he happened to call as I was arriving home late at night. I didn't realize I was going to be so late, so there was no exterior lights on and it had rained so much I was ankle deep in water!! I finally felt my way to the front door with my key in hand and discovered it was unlocked. Now, I knew I had not left my door unlocked, but my thoughts were on all my dogs that I knew desperately needed to go out to potty. I flip the porch light on and let the dogs out when I realize the screen has been ripped out of the front window and the window is partially open. I tell my friend in Hollywood that I will have to call him back in a bit because it appears my house has been broken into. Instead of calling 911 I grab my pistol and start going through the dark house. My bedroom light was on as was my bathroom light. My jewelry cabinet drawers and doors were open, my nightstand drawers were gone through, but nothing seemed to be missing!! Well, the "friend" in Hollywood keeps calling and telling me I need to call 911 and will not leave me alone until I do so. He instructs me to call 911 and then call him back and stay on the line until the Deputy arrives.
To make a long story short.... the Deputy shows up and you can tell right off the bat that he's pissed over coming down my long and bumpy driveway and then having to walk in ankle deep water to get to my front porch. He wants to know what is missing and I tell him nothing that I can tell so far. I show him the ripped out screen and think that he's going to want to check for fingerprints or something. He just simply looks at me and asks if I take any type of medication...... Well, I'm wondering if he thinks I'm crazy or if he thinks they were looking for drugs in my house!!! I go into the big spill about my back surgery and tell him the medications I take. He tells me that it was probably someone who knows I take medication and that's what they were looking for!! I'm thinking what a great help this idiot has been! As he is walking back to his car he stops and shines a flashlight on a big flower pot by my gate. He actually asks me what I'm growing in the pot. I told him I was hoping it was Marigolds coming back from last year. He looks at me and asks "Are you sure it's not weed?" First of all, I don't look like a person who smokes weed.... and if I did what kind of an idiot would I be to have called the law to my house if I was growing weed right by the gate leading to my front door??? That idiot actually reached down and broke a piece off and sniffed it!! It's running through my mind that I should just shoot him because he's an idiot and can't possibly be an asset as a law enforcement officer!!! He just sniffed and said "well, maybe it is flowers, but it looks a lot like weed"! At this point I'm pretty pissy and I tell him if I was the kind of person that would grow weed I sure as hell wouldn't grow it where anyone could see it!!!
Okay, so I call my friend back in "HOLLYWOOD" and he tells me he has kept something from me.... he claims he is really with the CIA and the Hollywood thing is a cover!!! lol He assures me he will have special agents driving by my home for the next month or so to make sure I am okay!!
The next day I change my phone number and blocked that weirdo from my facebook and everything else!! Oh, and I went and bought a good supply of ammo for my pistol!! A girl just can't be too careful!! I can honestly say I have not talked to one man from a dating site since!!
Nanette
Here recently my friend, Shannon(names and places have been changed to protect the innocent), got all caught up in the fantasy of online dating. She apparently met this guy several years ago on a site online and they had been very casual friends. Somehow, she let this casual friendship turn into something that consumed her life for about 5 weeks. During this 5 week period she basically disappeared emotionally from her life and was wrapped up in this mystery man from Louisiana!! I mean she was so wrapped up that she let everything else in life slip by the wayside..... school.... friends..... family..... responsiblilty.... and everything else that makes up our lives!! I personally had a bad feeling about this guy and kept pointing out the obvious to her, but no, she knew what she was doing. She told me she was a pro at online dating!! Just wait until you read her story this week!!
Now, as I clearly pointed out yesterday I think online dating is STUPID and possibly dangerous!! A number of years ago I had an older gentleman that saw my pic on Singlesnet and he started emailing me and catching me on Chat. He told me he was in the MOVIE business and told all these great stories about all the big name hollywood actors and actresses we all have heard of and seen in the movies. My naive ass just thought it was so cool that he knew all these people and I guess I believed everything he told me! This went on for a couple of years!! I became so comfortable in my friendship with this man that we actually swapped cell phone numbers and we would talk on the phone about once a week!! One evening he happened to call as I was arriving home late at night. I didn't realize I was going to be so late, so there was no exterior lights on and it had rained so much I was ankle deep in water!! I finally felt my way to the front door with my key in hand and discovered it was unlocked. Now, I knew I had not left my door unlocked, but my thoughts were on all my dogs that I knew desperately needed to go out to potty. I flip the porch light on and let the dogs out when I realize the screen has been ripped out of the front window and the window is partially open. I tell my friend in Hollywood that I will have to call him back in a bit because it appears my house has been broken into. Instead of calling 911 I grab my pistol and start going through the dark house. My bedroom light was on as was my bathroom light. My jewelry cabinet drawers and doors were open, my nightstand drawers were gone through, but nothing seemed to be missing!! Well, the "friend" in Hollywood keeps calling and telling me I need to call 911 and will not leave me alone until I do so. He instructs me to call 911 and then call him back and stay on the line until the Deputy arrives.
To make a long story short.... the Deputy shows up and you can tell right off the bat that he's pissed over coming down my long and bumpy driveway and then having to walk in ankle deep water to get to my front porch. He wants to know what is missing and I tell him nothing that I can tell so far. I show him the ripped out screen and think that he's going to want to check for fingerprints or something. He just simply looks at me and asks if I take any type of medication...... Well, I'm wondering if he thinks I'm crazy or if he thinks they were looking for drugs in my house!!! I go into the big spill about my back surgery and tell him the medications I take. He tells me that it was probably someone who knows I take medication and that's what they were looking for!! I'm thinking what a great help this idiot has been! As he is walking back to his car he stops and shines a flashlight on a big flower pot by my gate. He actually asks me what I'm growing in the pot. I told him I was hoping it was Marigolds coming back from last year. He looks at me and asks "Are you sure it's not weed?" First of all, I don't look like a person who smokes weed.... and if I did what kind of an idiot would I be to have called the law to my house if I was growing weed right by the gate leading to my front door??? That idiot actually reached down and broke a piece off and sniffed it!! It's running through my mind that I should just shoot him because he's an idiot and can't possibly be an asset as a law enforcement officer!!! He just sniffed and said "well, maybe it is flowers, but it looks a lot like weed"! At this point I'm pretty pissy and I tell him if I was the kind of person that would grow weed I sure as hell wouldn't grow it where anyone could see it!!!
Okay, so I call my friend back in "HOLLYWOOD" and he tells me he has kept something from me.... he claims he is really with the CIA and the Hollywood thing is a cover!!! lol He assures me he will have special agents driving by my home for the next month or so to make sure I am okay!!
The next day I change my phone number and blocked that weirdo from my facebook and everything else!! Oh, and I went and bought a good supply of ammo for my pistol!! A girl just can't be too careful!! I can honestly say I have not talked to one man from a dating site since!!
Nanette
Monday, August 8, 2011
Seriously? ONLINE DATING!!
This is part 1 of a series I am writing on ONLINE DATING. I cannot tell you how many parts there will be. However, I feel strongly about this subject if that gives you a clue!!
Taking applications for potential dates at The Hide Away in Elkton, TN!! lol
Have you ever lost someone you love to an online romance? They spend 24/7 either online talking with the other person on chat or on the cell phone texting or talking!! They don't want to go anywhere with you on the weekend or even during the week if it's night time because that is when they have their "online dates". All they can talk about is Timmy/Jimmy/hemi or whatever his name is and what he said and what he is doing and what he likes, blah, blah, blah. They have dates by watching the same movie on a designated night so, they can discuss it!! They post on each others Facebook page that they ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP!! They live hundreds of miles from each other and revolve their lives around each other without having ever met in person!!! OMG, am I the only person who thinks this is crazy????!!!!!
Just for fun I've gotten on Singlesnet and looked around. Honestly, the forums on that sight are the most interesting thing about it. I am a polite person (or at least I used to be) and if they email me on the site I will respond( or at least I used to lol). In years past, out of boredom I even chatted with a few men when they caught me on Yahoo, but I never had any intentions of going out on a date with them. I remember a number of years ago there were 2 or 3 men that I would chat with online. It took my dumb ass a while to figure out I could block others from knowing when I was online!! lol Anyway, they all lived quite a distance from me, so I guess I got comfortable talking about what I was doing in my life and this, that, and the other!! I happened to have a booth at the Fiddler's Convention (in Athens, AL) that year and I guess I had used that as my excuse as to why I wouldn't be online or available to chat for a couple of weeks. Bottom line.... I had run my big old mouth a little too much!! Low and behold two different men showed up at the Fiddlers Convention and found me!!! They looked nothing like their pictures..... one of them had teeth missing..... the other one was probably 5 feet tall!! I was horrified to say the least, but being a nice person I tried to carry on conversations with them while potential customers were walking into my booth. I know those potential customers were wondering who on earth the GOONS were and didn't want to buy from me because I associated with such creatures!!! OMG, it was terrible and they wouldn't go away!!! Both of them stayed till the end and helped me load my truck. I was so desperate to get away from them that I nearly left all my merchandise and display racks. I even considered just leaving my truck and hitch hiking back to Tennessee so they would be left waiting for me to get in my truck (and potentially follow me home) ! By the time I reached my home in Tennessee my head felt as if it was going to explode!!!
I learned more than one lesson from that experience. #1 You do not have to respond just because they send you a message! #2 You do not have to be nice to EVERYONE (because some of them are sticky boogers and will not go away)! #3 If you do chat online never, and i mean NEVER, tell them what you are really doing in your own life!!! #4 If they still somehow track you down like a coon dog, never admit your name..... just pretend they have confused you with someone who obviously looks like you!! #5 If they are persistent and keep insisting it is you, then just start running and screaming through the crowd until you are arrested for disturbing the peace!! #6 Stay the hell away from online dating sites!!!
In my opinion dating sites are mostly for losers who have serious problems, whether physical or mental. I know there are some people who are stuck at home and it makes for entertainment. I know good and well if I wanted to start dating again all I have to do is go out in public..... you know... go to the mall..... go to a nice restaurant with a friend.....go hang around the bank.... pretend you want to buy a house and go where the best looking realtors work (Jay Butler @ Butler Realty in Ardmore). Jeez, I can prance through WalMart and meet men if I want to!!! Hey, and bars can be a very good place to meet potential men for dating. Let's face it if they are stupid drunk no matter how good looking YOU DON'T WANT THEM!!! If they are in the process of a "DIVORCE" you don't want them!! If they have no money to buy drinks, you don't want them! If they are flirting with every women in the building then you don't want them!! Oh, and Home Depot and Lowes are wonderful places to meet men!!! Pick out one you think you like and then walk by him looking very confused and ask if he knows where the commode repair kits are. By asking this you will get his complete attention which in turn will give you a few minutes or more to really check him out!!
blonde Southern Belle and maybe I have the wrong idea about this whole thing with Online Dating, so please bear with me!!
Nanette
Have you ever lost someone you love to an online romance? They spend 24/7 either online talking with the other person on chat or on the cell phone texting or talking!! They don't want to go anywhere with you on the weekend or even during the week if it's night time because that is when they have their "online dates". All they can talk about is Timmy/Jimmy/hemi or whatever his name is and what he said and what he is doing and what he likes, blah, blah, blah. They have dates by watching the same movie on a designated night so, they can discuss it!! They post on each others Facebook page that they ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP!! They live hundreds of miles from each other and revolve their lives around each other without having ever met in person!!! OMG, am I the only person who thinks this is crazy????!!!!!
Just for fun I've gotten on Singlesnet and looked around. Honestly, the forums on that sight are the most interesting thing about it. I am a polite person (or at least I used to be) and if they email me on the site I will respond( or at least I used to lol). In years past, out of boredom I even chatted with a few men when they caught me on Yahoo, but I never had any intentions of going out on a date with them. I remember a number of years ago there were 2 or 3 men that I would chat with online. It took my dumb ass a while to figure out I could block others from knowing when I was online!! lol Anyway, they all lived quite a distance from me, so I guess I got comfortable talking about what I was doing in my life and this, that, and the other!! I happened to have a booth at the Fiddler's Convention (in Athens, AL) that year and I guess I had used that as my excuse as to why I wouldn't be online or available to chat for a couple of weeks. Bottom line.... I had run my big old mouth a little too much!! Low and behold two different men showed up at the Fiddlers Convention and found me!!! They looked nothing like their pictures..... one of them had teeth missing..... the other one was probably 5 feet tall!! I was horrified to say the least, but being a nice person I tried to carry on conversations with them while potential customers were walking into my booth. I know those potential customers were wondering who on earth the GOONS were and didn't want to buy from me because I associated with such creatures!!! OMG, it was terrible and they wouldn't go away!!! Both of them stayed till the end and helped me load my truck. I was so desperate to get away from them that I nearly left all my merchandise and display racks. I even considered just leaving my truck and hitch hiking back to Tennessee so they would be left waiting for me to get in my truck (and potentially follow me home) ! By the time I reached my home in Tennessee my head felt as if it was going to explode!!!
I learned more than one lesson from that experience. #1 You do not have to respond just because they send you a message! #2 You do not have to be nice to EVERYONE (because some of them are sticky boogers and will not go away)! #3 If you do chat online never, and i mean NEVER, tell them what you are really doing in your own life!!! #4 If they still somehow track you down like a coon dog, never admit your name..... just pretend they have confused you with someone who obviously looks like you!! #5 If they are persistent and keep insisting it is you, then just start running and screaming through the crowd until you are arrested for disturbing the peace!! #6 Stay the hell away from online dating sites!!!
In my opinion dating sites are mostly for losers who have serious problems, whether physical or mental. I know there are some people who are stuck at home and it makes for entertainment. I know good and well if I wanted to start dating again all I have to do is go out in public..... you know... go to the mall..... go to a nice restaurant with a friend.....go hang around the bank.... pretend you want to buy a house and go where the best looking realtors work (Jay Butler @ Butler Realty in Ardmore). Jeez, I can prance through WalMart and meet men if I want to!!! Hey, and bars can be a very good place to meet potential men for dating. Let's face it if they are stupid drunk no matter how good looking YOU DON'T WANT THEM!!! If they are in the process of a "DIVORCE" you don't want them!! If they have no money to buy drinks, you don't want them! If they are flirting with every women in the building then you don't want them!! Oh, and Home Depot and Lowes are wonderful places to meet men!!! Pick out one you think you like and then walk by him looking very confused and ask if he knows where the commode repair kits are. By asking this you will get his complete attention which in turn will give you a few minutes or more to really check him out!!
blonde Southern Belle and maybe I have the wrong idea about this whole thing with Online Dating, so please bear with me!!
Nanette
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Why Can't i Wear Two Different Shoes????
With my busy weekend of Karaoke with Butch Menefee I asked Tami to write a little guest blog for me this weekend. Tami is my BFF that I met in Tennessee back in 2003. Tami is one of the craziest and big hearted people you could ever have the pleasure of calling your BFF. The following is a little story written by Tam Hyatt!!
I think most everyone that reads Nanette Crows blog, has known her for years and years. I met her in 2003 and she simply decided we would be best friends. I really had no choice in the matter, because once Nanette makes her mind up, that's it. The young woman you all knew and the woman I have come to know, seem to be two different people. She is my partner in crime and vise verse, if one is laughing then the other is probably doing something outrageous. I like to think that I have been a bad influence on my girl Nanette, you know, because I'm such a bad ass, lol. Fact is, the woman I have come to know, instigates crazy shit just as often as I do. There has been no obstacle we have encountered that has beaten us. And I doubt very much that we will ever encounter one that can.
Enola, Nanette's daughter, has a habit of scolding Nanette when she does too much or becomes too fearless. Now, you must understand, Enola is a tad bit scary, has eyes that can cut and slash, with a glance, freeze the soul and makes one want to hide.. One day I will tell yall about the time she stalked me in the Memphis airport (while she was still at her home), completely creeped, me out. But I digress..Back to the point.
Once Nanette decided we were going to be friends, we quickly became best friends. Ive never met a woman I admire as much, except for her daughter Enola. And we laugh together, man how we laugh. I think I will tell you all about the time that I ended up with only 1 shoe from 2 different pairs of shoes, a right and a left. Enola and I worked together one summer maintaining a set of rental units when Nanette was still in property management. This was a good long drive from where we lived, but we enjoyed the drive. I had a habit of driving with my left foot stuck out the window and the music blasting while Enola sang (and quite well might I add) along. One day, my shoe flew off and I couldn't find it, so I had one right shoe from my favorite ones. The very next day, while wearing another pair of shoes, very similar to the one I lost, it was Enolas turn to drive. So, yes, I stuck my right foot out the window and sang along with the radio too. Can yall believe the right show flew off my foot too? Well it did, and Enola refused to go back and let me find it. The next day I show up for work with 2 different shoes on. I didn't think anything of it, but Nanette and Enola (after laughing at me for a few) insisted I looked ridiculous. But I liked these shoes and I wore them, for nearly 2 weeks before they tricked me into going shopping with them to force me into buying new shoes. Have I mentioned that I'm not a big fan of shopping? After giving in and getting new shoes, they then did the unspeakable. They threw my old shoes away, explaining to me that they had to for my own sake, that they loved me and could not allow me to walk around looking like a homeless person, (no offense to the homeless). But I put my foot down on the new shoes though, I bought a nice pair of canvas 'faux' Converse.
I could continue with many more stories of the Crow clan, here at the Crow's Nest, but I think Ill save them for later.....
I think most everyone that reads Nanette Crows blog, has known her for years and years. I met her in 2003 and she simply decided we would be best friends. I really had no choice in the matter, because once Nanette makes her mind up, that's it. The young woman you all knew and the woman I have come to know, seem to be two different people. She is my partner in crime and vise verse, if one is laughing then the other is probably doing something outrageous. I like to think that I have been a bad influence on my girl Nanette, you know, because I'm such a bad ass, lol. Fact is, the woman I have come to know, instigates crazy shit just as often as I do. There has been no obstacle we have encountered that has beaten us. And I doubt very much that we will ever encounter one that can.
Enola, Nanette's daughter, has a habit of scolding Nanette when she does too much or becomes too fearless. Now, you must understand, Enola is a tad bit scary, has eyes that can cut and slash, with a glance, freeze the soul and makes one want to hide.. One day I will tell yall about the time she stalked me in the Memphis airport (while she was still at her home), completely creeped, me out. But I digress..Back to the point.
Once Nanette decided we were going to be friends, we quickly became best friends. Ive never met a woman I admire as much, except for her daughter Enola. And we laugh together, man how we laugh. I think I will tell you all about the time that I ended up with only 1 shoe from 2 different pairs of shoes, a right and a left. Enola and I worked together one summer maintaining a set of rental units when Nanette was still in property management. This was a good long drive from where we lived, but we enjoyed the drive. I had a habit of driving with my left foot stuck out the window and the music blasting while Enola sang (and quite well might I add) along. One day, my shoe flew off and I couldn't find it, so I had one right shoe from my favorite ones. The very next day, while wearing another pair of shoes, very similar to the one I lost, it was Enolas turn to drive. So, yes, I stuck my right foot out the window and sang along with the radio too. Can yall believe the right show flew off my foot too? Well it did, and Enola refused to go back and let me find it. The next day I show up for work with 2 different shoes on. I didn't think anything of it, but Nanette and Enola (after laughing at me for a few) insisted I looked ridiculous. But I liked these shoes and I wore them, for nearly 2 weeks before they tricked me into going shopping with them to force me into buying new shoes. Have I mentioned that I'm not a big fan of shopping? After giving in and getting new shoes, they then did the unspeakable. They threw my old shoes away, explaining to me that they had to for my own sake, that they loved me and could not allow me to walk around looking like a homeless person, (no offense to the homeless). But I put my foot down on the new shoes though, I bought a nice pair of canvas 'faux' Converse.
I could continue with many more stories of the Crow clan, here at the Crow's Nest, but I think Ill save them for later.....
Friday, August 5, 2011
Good Grief, It's Raining On My New Roof!!
Wow, did we have an eventful night Wednesday!! First of all Enola stumbled upon my blog post with the NOT SO FLATTERING picture of her posted...... Wasn't sure if she was going to laugh or cry, or maybe even choke me. Our guest Wayne ( my dear friend and Massage Therapist) helped me water the plants and we kept commenting on the beautiful heat lightening and complaining about how hot it was to be 9:00 at night. Enola decided to go on to bed and Wayne wanted to watch Dexter in the living room while Tam and I were in the bedroom watching Covert Affairs on DVR. All of a sudden there was this horrible noise and I thought maybe The Crow's Nest was being invaded by the KKK (we live close to Pulaski) or something equally horrible. I'm trying to figure out why on earth my home would be under attack when it dawns on me it's just rain! First real rain since the new metal roof was installed on the house so, maybe it sounded a little different than the previous rain storms we've experienced in this home. I suddenly remembered (or so I thought) I left my windows down in my SUV and laundry on the line. Tam, Wayne and I start to go out the kitchen door when the wind grabs the storm door and jerks Tams little butt out into the yard. She jumps up and shouts "Stay back, I will check the windows", so hey, I keep my butt in the kitchen where it's dry!! Windows are up so she quickly starts grabbing the few things off the rotary clothes line. As she is getting them the wind blows the clothes line and breaks it off at the ground!! Wayne is jumping around in the kitchen saying his windows are down and trying to hand Tam his keys!! She looks at him and says "Man, I'm not going out there again"
We each go back to what we were doing and within a few minutes I hear a BIG BOOM and Wayne comes running through the house, down the foyer into my bedroom door telling me the bathroom just lifted up off the ground and he thinks a tree fell on the house too... at that moment the lights go off!! He and Tam are scattering around looking for flashlights and candles and come back into the bedroom with light. Apparently, I shocked Wayne when I didn't jump up to check on the house, the dogs, or something. lol I just kept on playing a game on my computer and said "I'll check it in the morning, I have insurance"! Well by this time Wayne is really fluttering around. Let me explain Wayne is only in his mid 20's and hasn't been through as many storms as me. He's looking at me like I'm on drugs or somthing because, I'm just not reacting at all except being pissy over the electricity going out and my computer battery is nearly dead. I 'd already taken my night time meds so I knew when I decided to go to sleep I would be out for the night . I remember Wayne saying he couldn't go upstairs and sleep in a storm..... and well, I guess, I went to sleep.
Sometime during the night I am dreaming that I have to pee, well, I really did. Must have been pretty early in the night because normally with no electricity I would have just gone out the front door and popped a squat at the end of the porch. At least if I had been in my right mind that is what I would have done!! In my drugged induced stupor I'm actually trying to make it to the bathroom. I get out my bedroom door into the foyer and bump into the tall box the new weedeater had just been taken out of. Wayne is asleep on the sofa and when I hit the box he starts making some kind of marshall arts sounds with grunts, woos, haws and who knows what else (I can't see him, but I can picture the moves and karate chops in my mind). Finally I get headed in the correct direction in the Foyer and run into the dining room table. I bump and bounce off of a couple of the antique chairs and nearly knock the china cabinet over. Then I run into the laundry room door! That hurt!! I had forgotten the dogs had to be put in there because of the rain. After I feel around and get it opened I am attacked by a pit bull who has me pinned between the spare refrigerator and the washing machine licking me all over. I think she actually chewed off part of my nighty!! I finally get Bootsy off of me and hop, skip, and jump over dog beds and such to get to the bathroom. As soon as I sit down something small jumps into my lap and starts crying and licking my face. Well, that was my Dachshund Frank Sinatra, or Frankie as I like to call him. Frankie can't sleep in the crate with the other Dachshunds because Prince William beats his butt every single time!! Not sure if it's because Frankie is neutured or because his collar is PURPLE!! lol So, I finish my business and get Frankie off my lap and do the bumper car thing all the way back to the bedroom. Wayne doesn't jump at me with his karate moves this go round because I remember where the box is and avoid it!!
Next thing I know it's morning and Enola is crawling across the foot of my bed telling me she doesn't have to go to work because her office building has no electricity. It's before 7:00 in the morning and I really can't function that early. I get out of bed and my right foot will not bend so I'm kind of walking like Big Foot. I can hear Tami in the kitchen pouring my coffee, but, Brutus needs to go out (he gets up whenever I get up). I look out into the front yard and there is my laundry basket and a million tree limbs and other debris. I forget I'm in my dog chewed nighty and walk outside to look for damage. Brutus and I go back in and I walk into the living room and Enola takes one look at me and says "OMG, what is wrong with you and please tell me you did not go outside and walk around like that!"
Now, after the spinal surgery I went through you would think that kid would just be grateful that I can walk (even if it's weird) even if I look like Big Foot trying to stumble around from time to time. She could have ended up with a crazy old lady in a wheelchair with a dozen or so cats!! lol
Seems that a limb did crash onto the roof and hit hard enough to knock items out of the medicine cabinet. So, maybe the bathroom did jump a little from the shock of the hit!! The thing that really pisses me off is my pedicure is ruined from bumping into and off of every piece of furniture between my bedroom and bathroom! Next time it's the middle of the night and no electricity I will definitely go out front and pee off the porch!! lol
Nanette
We each go back to what we were doing and within a few minutes I hear a BIG BOOM and Wayne comes running through the house, down the foyer into my bedroom door telling me the bathroom just lifted up off the ground and he thinks a tree fell on the house too... at that moment the lights go off!! He and Tam are scattering around looking for flashlights and candles and come back into the bedroom with light. Apparently, I shocked Wayne when I didn't jump up to check on the house, the dogs, or something. lol I just kept on playing a game on my computer and said "I'll check it in the morning, I have insurance"! Well by this time Wayne is really fluttering around. Let me explain Wayne is only in his mid 20's and hasn't been through as many storms as me. He's looking at me like I'm on drugs or somthing because, I'm just not reacting at all except being pissy over the electricity going out and my computer battery is nearly dead. I 'd already taken my night time meds so I knew when I decided to go to sleep I would be out for the night . I remember Wayne saying he couldn't go upstairs and sleep in a storm..... and well, I guess, I went to sleep.
Sometime during the night I am dreaming that I have to pee, well, I really did. Must have been pretty early in the night because normally with no electricity I would have just gone out the front door and popped a squat at the end of the porch. At least if I had been in my right mind that is what I would have done!! In my drugged induced stupor I'm actually trying to make it to the bathroom. I get out my bedroom door into the foyer and bump into the tall box the new weedeater had just been taken out of. Wayne is asleep on the sofa and when I hit the box he starts making some kind of marshall arts sounds with grunts, woos, haws and who knows what else (I can't see him, but I can picture the moves and karate chops in my mind). Finally I get headed in the correct direction in the Foyer and run into the dining room table. I bump and bounce off of a couple of the antique chairs and nearly knock the china cabinet over. Then I run into the laundry room door! That hurt!! I had forgotten the dogs had to be put in there because of the rain. After I feel around and get it opened I am attacked by a pit bull who has me pinned between the spare refrigerator and the washing machine licking me all over. I think she actually chewed off part of my nighty!! I finally get Bootsy off of me and hop, skip, and jump over dog beds and such to get to the bathroom. As soon as I sit down something small jumps into my lap and starts crying and licking my face. Well, that was my Dachshund Frank Sinatra, or Frankie as I like to call him. Frankie can't sleep in the crate with the other Dachshunds because Prince William beats his butt every single time!! Not sure if it's because Frankie is neutured or because his collar is PURPLE!! lol So, I finish my business and get Frankie off my lap and do the bumper car thing all the way back to the bedroom. Wayne doesn't jump at me with his karate moves this go round because I remember where the box is and avoid it!!
Next thing I know it's morning and Enola is crawling across the foot of my bed telling me she doesn't have to go to work because her office building has no electricity. It's before 7:00 in the morning and I really can't function that early. I get out of bed and my right foot will not bend so I'm kind of walking like Big Foot. I can hear Tami in the kitchen pouring my coffee, but, Brutus needs to go out (he gets up whenever I get up). I look out into the front yard and there is my laundry basket and a million tree limbs and other debris. I forget I'm in my dog chewed nighty and walk outside to look for damage. Brutus and I go back in and I walk into the living room and Enola takes one look at me and says "OMG, what is wrong with you and please tell me you did not go outside and walk around like that!"
Now, after the spinal surgery I went through you would think that kid would just be grateful that I can walk (even if it's weird) even if I look like Big Foot trying to stumble around from time to time. She could have ended up with a crazy old lady in a wheelchair with a dozen or so cats!! lol
Seems that a limb did crash onto the roof and hit hard enough to knock items out of the medicine cabinet. So, maybe the bathroom did jump a little from the shock of the hit!! The thing that really pisses me off is my pedicure is ruined from bumping into and off of every piece of furniture between my bedroom and bathroom! Next time it's the middle of the night and no electricity I will definitely go out front and pee off the porch!! lol
Nanette
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Trials and Tribulations of the Daughter of Nanette Crow
I asked my beautiful daughter, Enola, to write a segment for my blog!! The apple didn't fall far from the tree as they say....... or in my words.... the Baby Byrd didn't fall far from The Crows Nest!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and all that jazz… I’m assuming that most of the people who read my Mother’s blog went to high school with her, so you know something about her and would probably find anything I have to say about her hilarious because no one- and I mean no one can shed a more humorous light on Nanette Crow than I can. And, Dear Readers, you might have known her “back in the day” or maybe not, but I’ve had the last twenty-three years with her, so I know the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Growing up in the Crow family is not the easiest task one can take on. They’re hard headed, stuck in their ways, and love conditionally (just ask Mom about her parents). Life could be stressful and judgmental. Fortunately for me, I may look like the Crow side of the family, but I have my Dad’s thought processes, which helped keep me sane when dealing with the adult children (Moms parents and sister) in our ex-family. But, one thing I can say for Mom, is she always tried to keep from mentally warping me like her parents did to her.
It was she and I for many years before the heaps of marriages came through that she has already joked about. I was her little angel. She would sew and I would play with Barbies and go to dance practice. I had many different families with all my girlfriends moms and then of course, I had Tammy (Turpen-Bell) and Tyler that were always around (Tammy, if you read this, please remind Tyler the reason he exists is because of me. I’m just saying.). I was never alone. We had it good for a long time…
The Drink
One story I always love, was when I was younger and Mom always told me not to spill my drink at a restaurant. “Don’t set it at the edge of the table, Enola. You’ll spill it.” I never once spilled my drink at the table in a restaurant, but guess what? Mom did. From then on she was a little easier on me about not spilling my drink.
Randoms
Whenever she did my makeup for dance recitals, my eyes would tear up because it tickled so badly when she applied the eye shadow. I would squirm and nearly ruin my makeup from my eyes tearing. Well, now that Mom can't see so well up close I like to do her makeup for her and guess what...... Mom's eyes tear up now and I really have no sympathy for her!!
My sixteenth birthday present from her was my first tattoo.
A couple of months ago, Mom needed a new floor in the kitchen and dining room (of her 1900 Victorian) and before the boys took over the job, she and TamI were working on it. The only way to get to the bathroom was to go through the dining room that had no floor (I mean you had to step down 2 or 3 feet into dirt). And God bless my Mom, but with her back problems her tripping over her own feet is a pretty frequent occurrence. And I kept telling her if she wasn’t careful one of these nights when trying to walk to the bathroom, she was going to fall backwards into that damn missing floor and we’d all get up the next morning and see nothing but my Mom’s legs just a kicking. Well, it didn’t happen at night, which would have been a better excuse because, hello, it’s dark, but it happened in broad daylight while she and Tami were working on it.
The Scooters
I know she has mentioned her scooters s a couple of times in her blog. You see I wanted to buy a scooter for years and I finally had a good paying job so I could afford it, so I got one. And in my Mother’s typical fashion, I had one, so she wanted one (don’t try and deny it, Mom). So, she gets this itch and I do NOT think it’s a good idea because her reflexes are shit now. But next thing I know, she’s buying two scooters (One for her and one for Tami) from the hottie salesman at Midway Cycle Center and I am on the verge of a heart attack. I had been trying to tell her that it’s not as easy as it looked and she would need practice. But oh no! “Enola, I rode bikes as a child and I was on the back of your father’s bike for years. I know what I’m doing.”
So, we can only get Tami’s home since I refuse to let Mom ride hers from Hwy 72 all the way to Tennessee (I rode it... not her). So, we get it home and its Mom’s turn to try it out. As soon as she hops on I remind her not to turn the handlebars to steer and she looks at me like I’m from outer space. “No, Mom, you don’t turn the handles to turn, you lean with your body.” She insists that she has it and she hits that throttle. Pretty quickly she realizes she’s not comfortable leaning and shoots through the neighbor’s yard, across the street, and into the other neighbors yard across the street. And there’s me plus three other people all running after her screaming, “BRAKE! Hit the brake!” I TOLD YOU SO, MOM! Now that she has gotten over leaning and wanting to put her foot down when she turns, she’s getting much better. Still makes me sick to think of her out on the road go 60mph, but what is the daughter of Nanette Crow to do??!!...
In conclusion I want to say that in this family, she will definitely be the death of me, not the other way around.
Enola Byrd,
Daughter of Nanette Crow
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