Last night on face book one of my friends posted Leave the drama at the door, I don't have time for it!! I live the way I live and if you don't like me, then frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn:) Another friend posted this as a response: It has taken me a long time, Donna, to get to where I am, but I think you have reached the spot earlier in life than I did ! You can't live your life for others.....if others don't make you happy........distance yourself from them ! Well, this really hit home with me and I posted next....YES! YES! YES! It was so beat into my head growing up "What would the neighbors think?" I've lived most of my life worried about what everyone else thought about me and what I was doing!! I no longer give a damn and I am going to enjoy the 2nd half of my life.... no matter what anyone else thinks!! Even when it takes removing yourself from loved ones you have to do it!! Immediately started writing this blog last night as this was all going on!
WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK? Did anyone else grow up having those 5 words preached to you and beat into your head? If my parents said it one time they said it a million. I can remember when I was about 13 or 14 and someone at school was having a party. I actually think it was Denise Barksdale. I'll never forget when I asked for permission to go to the party that's all I heard WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK. I can vividly remember thinking to myself that the neighbors would think it perfectly normal because their kids would probably be going to the party.
You had better believe I let my daughter have a party at that age and she had my permission to go to parties. I always made sure I knew the parents and this, that, and the other, but I was not going to mentally warp my kid like my parents did to me. Maybe my parents did to me what was done to them as children.... my father? maybe, but I know my mother wasn't raised like that! Maybe that mentality was a sign of the times and everyone else worried constantly what the neighbors, family, and the rest of the community thought about them and their kids, and hey even their dogs!!
I can say without a doubt that having that beat into my head my entire childhood had a huge effect on me mentally and emotionally. I've worried myself to death throughout my life trying to do everything right and not make the neighbors think badly of me. I was in property management for 16 years and every homeowners association I worked for I jumped through hoops wanting to please them 100%. My 1st divorce I was worried sick about what everyone was going to think of me. Even my 4th divorce I was worried about what others would think. Let me add that my parents disowned me for a period of time when I divorced the first time!! I wasn't allowed to see my younger siblings, either. Was that the right thing to do? Not in my opinion!! My children could murder someone in cold blood and it would never make me turn my back on them. If I love you, then I love you good or bad!
At this point in life I could care less what anyone thinks of me and the decisions I have made in life!! I have learned to joke about my sideline career of getting married and divorced. Yes, that is still am embarrassment to me, but not to the point that it makes me worry when I should be sleeping.
I do not pass judgment on how my friends, neighbors, or anyone else lives their lives, spends their money, or raises their kids. I refuse to pass judgment on others and if they want to pass judgment on me then they can kiss my butt!! Everything I have in life I have earned myself. My mistakes have been my own and my accomplishments have been earned by ME!!
Was anyone else raised like this? Have any of you lived your adult lives worried about what everyone else thinks of you? I would like to hear your stories!!
Thanks,
Nanette
The Crow's Nest
P.S. I've always tried to conduct myself as a prim and proper Southern Belle in life and business. I've tried to be everything my parents expected!! Now that I am retired and can no longer work I am actually living for the first time just for myself and my kids. I have a little nose piercing. I have a red, white and blue star tattooed on my right lower back. I have a beautiful fairy tattooed on my right shoulder blade. And this past year after being disowned, once again, by my parents I had a Crow and crescent moon tattooed on the inside of my right wrist!! I am rocking on with my life!!
Your my hero, girlfriend! And it still amazes me how you make cuss words sounds elegantly southern!
ReplyDeleteKnow what you mean about your parents, well mainly my Dad. If he seen me talking to someone that he knew something about I would get lecture. Little did I know why he knew so much about them. Far as marriage I am on my 3rd and if anything ever happens to our marriage there will not be another man. My boyfriend will be BOB. lol Look at your marriages as a lesson learned, never be ashamed. Love your story.
ReplyDeleteWHEN YOU SWIM THE WATERS OF HELL IT CAL ONLY LEAD TO A WARM BEACH WITH THE MOON CRESTING OVER YOU TO SHOW THE PATH OF LIFE
ReplyDeleteThat is a beautiful thought. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting as an adult to find out things about our parent that they kept from us. Makes you wonder how on earth they thought they could be critical of our life choices!! lol I know what you mean about the marriage thing and that's why I haven't dated in 3 years!! lol Thanks for reading my blog and sharing with me!! Rock on!!
ReplyDeleteGirl, you simply ROCK!! You have helped me through so many rough patches these past years. Don't know what I would do without you!! Love you bunches!!
ReplyDeleteSing it sister.If someone doesn't like me for who, or what, I am, then screw 'em !
ReplyDeleteOk, so you don't know me. I came here from Tam's facebook link. I like what I'm seeing :-)
How well I remember my own mother saying "You are judged by the company you keep". She tried 2 PICK my friends at times and rebellion kicked in. I still loved my mother during those times and I miss her everyday. Our parents only had their own parents and others to set examples for them. I hope and pray that I have been more open minded and less critical of my own children as they CHOSE their own friends and lived their own lives without trying to PLEASE me or anyone else.If we go thru life trying to please every1, all we will accomplish is making our own selves MISERABLE!I loved this piece and it makes me remember so much of my childhood. Love you. God Bless
ReplyDeleteI wasn't raised exactly like that. My folks wanted us to do right, but what the neighbors might think was not the reason. My Daddy was a preacher but when he was asked to get some whiskey for a recipe to make cough medicine, he marched right into one of the stores on the line and got it, didn't think too much, I bet, about what the neighbors would think if they saw him coming out !
ReplyDeleteI actually think that LOVE that is
conditional......is something other than LOVE I HAVE COME TO KNOW ! The
term is AGAPE LOVE, I think. This is the love that a parent has for a child, UNCONDITIONAL.
Well my friend nobody has to live in your skin but you! Nobody has lived in your skin through the divorces, the pain and the heartache. I understand the pain of divorce and the pain of life. God loves with the most unconditional love there is. I am satisfied with that. I always loved you for your spunk, felt pain for you when I heard about a divorce and always felt a kinship. Live the next 50 years making your life and those around you the most wonderful place ever! That is my plan.
ReplyDeleteWell NAN, I am sorry that you had that instilled in your head, my parents were not that strict on us, as a matter of fact, growing up on a dairy farm was a hard life itself. However my parents were hard workers and my dad instilled that in us. I was not allowed to go anywhere on weekends, not because they were strict, but because he needed us to help him on the farm. It ws not until my senior year that I was allowed to go out on weekends, then and only when i hd the work done. I hd to work to buy my own classring, and I still have it, and my first car. Ask Priscilla about that. She road to school with me in it. I would love to sit down with you sometime and shaare some real life farm stories with you.
ReplyDeleteOH, I dont still have my first car. Wish I did, LOL
ReplyDeleteI admire your 'tude! My Uncle Fred had a saying that I quickly adopted as my own when I was a much younger man. When someone had a complaint about Uncle Fred's ways or whatever, he'd say "If they don't like it, then it won't take much of it to do them." I always thought that was one of the coolest things I had ever heard anyone say. Maybe because I knew that it was much more than a saying. To my Uncle Fred, it was a daily mantra for living. Thank God, my Daddy & my Uncle Fred taught me to be my own man - no apologies. It all boils down to a simple fact of life: if a person is not happy with themselves & if they do not love themselves, then they can never find happiness or love without. It all happens within. I think that's where a lot of folks mess up. We seek those things without instead of looking for them within. We should all take Uncle Fred's mantra to heart! Hey, LOVE the blog, BTW! Keep it up! Love yall! - Jack
ReplyDeleteJack, thanks for sharing your Uncle Fred with me. Sounds like one cool dude!! You are lucky that at an early age you decided to live your own way and not worry about what everyone else would think!! I believe I have crippled myself emotionally by worrying so much about what others would think about my life decisions. I am completely living my life in my own way now, with no worries about what anyone thinks!! Thanks for posting!! Love you my sweet friend!!
ReplyDeleteCarol, thank you for your posts. I love you and I know you figured out a little bit about how my teenage years were back then. I have also thought about you and felt pain for you when you were going through a rough patch. Our lives have been similar in many ways. I want to take a little trip and come see you if you have the time. Tami and I can get a room.... I will have to bring Brutus because he has anxiety if I leave him. Actually, maybe I could get Enola to stay here at the house with the dogs and Jordan so Tami and I could come alone. Let me know what you think about this!! I love you always!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to post. I believe you know how I felt as a child, except I didn't rebel.... I cowered down and continued to do so until the age of 49!! Rock on girl!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you took the time to look at my blog and to even go a step farther and post!! Thank you for the encouragement!! I hope you will join my page and keep on reading about my life in the South!!
ReplyDeleteThe more I read, the more I realize why we were friends. I am so sorry we lost touch over the years, but really happy that we can talk now. You have a wonderful heart and soul, keep sharing. As for the marriage thing, we really need to swap stories sometime. Love you girl, see you soon.
ReplyDeleteRachel
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
ReplyDelete